Secretly

Before I write my next poem, I just want to hand it to Melissa for designing this blog and for giving me such wonderful advice about my poetry. From now on, I will decide to try to write "in the moment" poems.

Secretly
I'm wanting you
If you ever meet me
I'm hoping you want me too.

I noticed you from across the room
At my friend's party
Avoiding your beautiful gaze
Is very hard because it's so hearty.

Hark!
They're starting to play my favourite song!
Will something happen for me finally?
I've waited so long.

You asked me to dance
Gone were the heartbreaks of the past
You went and,
Saved the best for last.

We were moving
We were face-to-face
It's as if we were the only ones
Dancing in this place.

The end of the song is near
As we were in the abyss
When you leaned over
And gave me my first kiss.

When you kiss, it's magical
Especially after you dance,
It's as if this was a turning point in my life
I'm absolutely going to take this chance!!!

The Love of my Life

Last night I had a dream
It cut like a knife
It affected it so much
It was about the love of my life!

The man will remain a mystery
To everyone, including you!
He's someone I wanted to give
My whole heart to.

The man came at a time
When I needed him the most
When I met him
I learned he was from another coast.

He liked the same guy I did on Desperate Housewives
And he called me "Dude"
When I talked to him
He got me in the "mood".

We were so much alike
We shared our hardships
We talked for hours
We formed a friendship.

When I wasn't with him
During the night or during the day
I felt thin, hot, and sexy
If I daresay!

He started being controlling
I couldn't talk with another guy
So I decided
It was time to say goodbye.

A few weeks had come and passed
I had nothing to gain
To stay mad at people I can't do
I started up with him again.

We would always joke around
About guys we thought were hot
When I needed him the most
There he was not.

I told him about my cousin
The one that got married
He said if he was bi, would I go after him
I thought away he had carried.

Just before Christmas 2005
Something happened to undo the lace
When a mistake of the past
Slapped me right across the face!

When I told him the truth
Why we couldn't be friends anymore
He said he felt something for me
That no one to my knowledge had ever felt before!

I said goodbye
For the very last time
I feel that a possible future together
Blew up in a land mine.

My trials and tribulations weren't over
The feelings for this man were built to last
When I saw my favourite TV show's new episode in early 2006,
The pain I couldn't mask.

It was about the pursuance of a gay relationship
Between a teenage boy and his boyfriend
Whose mother didn't approve
My broken heart had yet to mend.

I was envious you see
I must-not miss
What I had trouble with
Was seeing them kiss.

Kissing or sleeping around I've never done
I'm inexperienced you see
It reminded me of him
It was just a fantasy.

When "The Lake House" film came out
It made me think of who (him)
When Sandra Bullock said the man she loved most
She couldn't give her whole heart to.

Wherever you are, I miss you, I still love you, and I always will:(

The Frustrations (Continuation of poem "How do you think I felt?")

How do you think I felt
On that wedding night?
When the bride didn't come to my table
Tears and rage I had to fight.

How do you think I felt
When every person my age had someone to dance with?
I felt like an outcast, but
I didn't let it slip.

How do you think I felt
When I had to leave my cousin on her special night?
For another 2 years or more
I didn't feel right.

How do you think I felt
When I told my mom how I feel?
She said: "How can I miss her?"
It made me want to lose my meal.

How do you think I felt
When I started screaming and crying?
I knew in my heart of hearts
I'm still going to keep on trying.

How do you think I feel
When my little cousins disrespect me?
It makes me want to cry
The tears that I don't let anyone know or see.

How do you think I felt
When I had a dream about my aunt?
She told me she stopped loving me
After my words took over and snapped.

How do you think I feel
When my aunt states that I disrespect my mom?
It was such an insult
How could I be calm?

How do you think I feel
When I think I'm not good enough for anyone or anything?
I've always been here
I've never taken wing.

How do you think I feel
When I'm being compared to other guys?
It makes me feel inadequate, insecure, and unsure
I'm not telling lies.

How do you think I feel
When I see two guys kissing on screen?
It makes me envious
It's not that I'm mean.

How do you think I felt
On this Valentine's Day?
When all my girlfriends had a significant other
It's harder for me to find someone because I'm gay.

How do you think I felt
When she took out her frustrations on me?
I wanted to take away her pain
A fact she chose not to see.

How do you think I felt
When she revealed the hurt my dad continues to cause her?
I will never forgive that bastard
Who did us dishonour.

How do you think I feel
Around my aunt who doesn't support my decisions?
She thinks of me as Superman
I feel like my throat is constricted.

How do you think I felt
When I complimented my cousin on her creativity?
She gave me a nasty look
I didn't take it lightly.

How do you think I felt
When yesterday I was looked at as if I was ancient?
The music, the movies, and the shows
I believe that their disrespect was deliberate.

How do you think I felt
When I let my cousins have it (with my words and not anything else)?
I told them they treat me like crap
A remark that I don't regret one bit.

These feelings that I have now
May have not necessarily bothered me before
But ever since my cousin Jennifer's wedding reception,
It makes me want to spend time with her more.

Teri Hatcher (Susan Mayer) on Desperate Housewives

Teri (Susan)
We are so much alike
We are not that much different
We've both liked guys named Mike.

We have the same feelings
And went through similar experiences
Although the difference is
We didn't have the same love occurrences.

You're all about love in one heart
I believe in that too
You have had men fall all over you in Housewives
Lucky you!

We fall down the stairs
We trip over rocks
What isn't reality
Is that there is a plumber across the street who is a total fox!

You are a single mother
In reality and on TV
I admire your sense of self and others
It's easy to see.

I've never really noticed you
Until 3 years ago
I watch you and your fellow actors
On my favourite show!

Your character gives me comfort
Happiness, joy, and excitement,
It's funny how in fact
This incident was incited.

See, Mike admitted he loved you
I love you too
What happened in your first year on air
Was my second year in university, I wasn't lucky as you.

You loved Mike Delfino
I loved Ryan
I thought of this timing
As an effective tie-in.

You broke up with Mike
Time and time again
After 7 months
I let go of Ryan.

When I went back to school
In my third year
You went into your second season
Mike broke up with you! I shed a tear:(

You started dating in real life
Rumours of George Clooney and Ryan Seacrest
Came and passed
Though the failure of those relationships made me depressed.

Dating is hard
For a single and working mother
Which to me
Is a real bother.

Now Susan is with Ian
Though I know she still loves Mike
The good thing is 10 months ago, she finally told her ex Karl
To take a hike!

I will always love you Teri Hatcher
And I want you with James Denton
One thing that I've never wanted
Is to go back to school on Mon.

Teri, Susan, and I
Will always be three of a kind
When I'm unlucky in love
I keep their zaniness in mind.

I don't care what anyone thinks of Teri because I absolutely love her, and I want her back with Mike!

Brad

When I first saw you
I thought you were a Greek god
That you were old enough to be my father
I didn't find the least bit odd.

I had a dream
That you and I were finally together
The passion was so hot
I didn't mind the cold weather.

It didn't happen so fast
For was it a dream?

I was on the island
I saw him washed ashore
He was so beautiful
I had never felt like this before.

I went to wake him
He was precious you see
When he opened his eyes
He touched me.

It wasn't what you would think
I was a good boy you see
But seeing a handsome man like him
Didn't want to make me one anymore!

He didn't know who he was
He forgot his past
I wanted he and I
To forever last.

I told him what happened to me
Why I eneed up here
He promised that when he remembered who he was
We would leave together, out of there.

We grew closer over time
The best guy friend I never had
When he touched my face that starry night on the beach
I was more than glad.

He started touching me
In the places that gave me pleasure
I didn't care at that moment if he was married
I wanted him here for good.

A little kiss on the mouth
Led to a night of passion
We spent the night in each other's arms
I was his centre of attention.

I told him that I was madly in love with him
He told me the same
What I suddenly remembered
Was his name!

I saw him in the newspaper once
A prominent businessman he was
I remember reading he was married
A fact that I chose not to reveal to him, just because.

We spent days and nights on the beach
Making love in the sands
What I think was one of the best things about him
Was the warmth, tenderness, and feeling of his sexy hands.

What I feared worst
Actually happened it's true,
He started remembering
But he said to me, I can't lose you!

He told me to wait
I didn't know what that would mean
Then I awoke:
It was only a dream!

I see you during the week
On television for sure
However, for getting over you,
There is no cure.

The Man in the Store

This weekend I went to the store
A one I'd never been to before
When I saw a familiar face
That awakened feelings in me, and rocked me to the core.

It's a store that's not my cup of tea
But I enjoyed it nonetheless
But to whose smile I was drawn to
The above is your guess.

I first saw him in 2005
A tragedy he faced
He lost his partner in the tsunami
To humanity, it was a disgrace.

While my relatives looked for linens
I was in a daze
I was drawn by your picture
And the smile on your face.

I was amazed
I was in a trance
It's as if the whole world didn't matter
With you, I wanted a chance.

I'm sorry that it took so long
To realize what a sweet guy you really seem to be,
If I ever meet you, it will be a joy
To say that you're happy to meet me.

The Epiphany

I realized something last night
Though this might be a surprise
This has been a song that's ended
With a sudden reprise.

To this guy
That I liked 2 years ago
I met someone through this celebrity, what happened
Is that he turned into a foe.

What I didn't stomach
Was the idiot tricking me
I discovered the heartbreaking truth
It should have been plain to see.

Whenever I saw the above from thence
I wanted to die
Because the idiot represented him
And the formation of a lie.

The idiot is gone
What I was left with
Is that I saw the above betray his mother on TV,
Which got me in a tiff.

9 months later
I saw he had changed
The lack of his mother's well-being
Is what got him enraged.

Though it's sad to think
That he can't be mine in reality
It's nice that what he represented in the past
Is a distant memory.

This has been my epiphany.

Showtime

Showtime
It's time to get up
Showtime
I can't have a cup.

Showtime
It's time to leave
Showtime
Time to have an ace up my sleeve.

Showtime
I've finally arrived
Showtime
Time to take the dive.

Showtime
It's time to put a smile on my face
Showtime
It involves grace.

Showtime
Class will start
Showtime
But I don't have the heart.

Showtime
Time to stay awake
Showtime
Forget the things I've ever had to face.

Showtime
I don't want to be here
Showtime
Will the end be near?

Showtime
It's only twice a week
Showtime
The rest of the week I want to sneak.

Why does everything have to be an effort?
The pain and stress that is mine
No matter where I go other than home
It will always be showtime.

To my aunt Wanda on her birthday

My aunt Wanda's birthday was yesterday, and I wrote her the following poem:

My aunt Wanda

To my aunt Wanda, it is her birthday today
She is so lovely and fair
Sunshine is
The colour of her hair.

We share things with each other
About our lives, it’s true,
Like my mother, she understands me
A fact I don’t have to prove.

She knows me like a book when I’m feeling down
I don’t have to tell her anything
Because that is the wonderful thing about being close
You don’t have to say a thing.

We read the same books
We listen to similar music
Two of them I think are the most fundamental things
That a relationship is based, should be shared with the public.

Though we aren’t necessarily happy
It’s a comfort to know
That when I need a fresh mind
I’ll know where to go.

The summers we spend together
The laughter that we share
Love is a beautiful thing
Everyone should care.

We live right next door
It’s a pleasure to know
That when I need her
She’ll never say no.

So that is why she is special
Homage to her I pay
Happy Birthday my aunt Wanda,
May you enjoy your day!

How do you think I felt?

How do you think I felt
When my father let me down?
I felt so alone
I wanted to drown.

How do you think I felt
When I fell in love in high school with this he?
I knew it was impossible
That he could love me.

How do you think I felt
When I truly fell in love with that he?
I was floating on air
It was so amazing.

How do you think I felt
When Ryan didn't notice me?
I was hurt
It was plain to see.

How do you think I felt
On Valentine's Day?
When he spent it with someone else
It still wasn't okay.

How do you think I felt
All those lonely nights?
When I would cry for hours
With no end in sight.

How do you think I felt
When I kept hearing that he didn't love me at all?
I was lovesick in every sense of the word
My friends I would call.

How do you think I felt
When communication was cut off?
I realized something
And then I became tough.

How do you think I felt
When Alex, someone new, came in the picture?
I thought I knew then
That this one was for sure.

How do you think I felt
When Alex told me the God-awful truth?
That he didn't want to talk to me anymore
That he played me for a fool.

How do you think I felt
When he then sent me threatening emails?
I was scared out of my mind
Since then my self-worth declined in detail.

How do you think I felt
When I saw a handsome man at a wedding?
Dancing with my cousin
The one that he married.

I realize now
That I was silly, wrong, and damaged,
But the feelings that made me this way
I've never fully recovered.