Chapter 9
Sheila Carter was about to give birth to Scott Grainger’s child. It had been 6 months since Lauren Fenmore’s miscarriage. Scott felt guilty that he wasn’t able to save Lauren and his baby, so he thought that it might have been the best thing to grieve together after their personal tragedy. Sheila felt betrayed. Scott knew that he had lost a child and was about to gain another one. Through her Mothering and Motherhood course that she took the previous summer, she read mommy literature ranging from Margaret Laurence to Toni Morrison. She wanted to be prepared to be the best mother that she can possibly be at her tender age. She wanted her child to have a normal life, one that she never had. Admittingly she thought because of my mother, but since then Sheila did her very best to understand what her mother went through, while at the same time railing against the oppression of motherhood. The one thing Sheila wanted most in her life was not a baby, but Scott to return the love that she so desperately craved. Sheila wanted to be saved from her chaotic life, and to do so, she wanted Scott to rescue her and make her life different. It wasn’t fair that Sheila was supposed to not have a life and have a chance for happiness. All the young ladies she knew in her lifetime all had boyfriends and all they were doing were bragging about them, and this is how Sheila came to lose all outside contact with the rest of the world. It was all Sheila can do to keep from slapping them upside the head. How was that fair? Sheila thought. All I ever wanted was Scott, and he’s still with the bitch that would break his heart time and time again. She worked so hard for Scott and it was so clear that he didn’t love her. He felt compelled to stay with Lauren. Molly brought her out of ruminating.
“What’s wrong, dear? Is it the baby?”
“Yes and no.”
“Why yes and no?”
“Because if I had made Scott mine sooner, I wouldn’t have had to get pregnant. I’m only 22.”
“Sweetie, I was so in love with your father. I got pregnant with you because it was the only way he could ever love me. It didn’t work. He started to beat me, and one night it just drove me insane.”
“Mom, I know. I wasn’t planning on going to the police like I said I was. It’s just that I love Scott so much and everything I’ve done this past year was for him. I’m coming close to term now.”
“Sheila, sometimes we don’t get what we want.”
Sheila started to cry, and Molly went to give her a hug.
“Sheila dear, you know… I know it’s hard playing second fiddle to someone or something else. I was tortured all my life. I thought when your father ‘left’ things would change. They didn’t. I’m in my early fifties and it’s hard raising a child by yourself. I need a companion, but gradually I started expecting that I would never get that companionship. Not you, though. Darling, you’re still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Someone will love you. It will happen.”
“Mom, don’t you understand? I only want Scott. He is the love of my life. Damn it, I made his fiancée miscarry. For what? So he can go back to her right afterwards?”
“Dear, you couldn’t expect that once Lauren miscarried that he would run straight into your arms?”
“Of course, Mom. That’s why I did what I did. I love him.”
“Dear, you helped to kill his child.”
“But I’m giving him one in return.”
“Sweetheart, you have to learn to accept the fact that he has someone else. Sheila, you’re better than that. I raised you better than that. Everything I’ve done is for you to have a better life than I did.”
Molly went on to say:
“Sheila, I know you’re heartbroken. Your heart was stolen. You’re a damaged soul. You are a strong and beautiful young woman, and yes you made mistakes. You have to understand that Scott is in love with Lauren. He doesn’t love you dear. Please don’t waste your life on something that will never happen.”
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Molly went to go answer it.
“Scott?!”
Sheila said, “What are you doing here?” Then her water broke. She was going into labour. Scott and Molly called 911 and took her to the hospital.
A few hours later, Sheila Carter was a mother to a beautiful baby girl. She was so perfect in every way, and had her equally handsome father’s eyes. Sheila always loved the name Mary, so that is what she named her daughter.
Sheila was still groggy after her Caesarean, and suddenly Scott proposed to her. That immediately aroused her, and she happily screamed yes.
Yes, Sheila came away that night with her mother’s infinite wisdom and she understood every sort of preservation that Toni Morrison was speaking about in her novel Beloved. She proved her mother wrong. Scott loved her and his new baby daughter. She was convinced of that now.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Chapter 8
Mat, I know you're reading this! Feel free to comment...
Chapter 8
Sheila Carter believed one thing and one thing only. She was indestructible. She overcame a lot in a very short life. She was a victim, and she overcame a bitch by conquering her fiancé. She had an ace up her sleeve when it came to her mother Molly. If Sheila went down, she would take her mother right down with her. After all, no one could prove that either of them committed murder. Then again, no one knew how the two women were oppressed by males in the mainstream culture. Sheila Carter was indestructible. She could overcome anything, even her arch-nemesis of a cousin, Lauren Fenmore. Most importantly, she would conquer the love of her life, Scott Grainger.
When Sheila became pregnant with Scott’s love child, she felt liberated as any woman could be in her delicate condition. Her liberation was actually a union. A union that outlasted anything that Scott may have shared with Lauren. Sheila was more determined than ever to break Scott and Lauren’s relationship, by any means necessary.
The night before Scott and Lauren’s wedding, an elaborate rehearsal dinner was taking place. Sheila got an invitation by mistake, even though Lauren knew about Scott’s affair with her cousin. At first, Sheila thought that this was a cruel joke, and could not believe that Scott would throw his marriage to Lauren in her face. Suddenly however, Sheila thought of a brilliant plan. She had to discuss this with her mother. Molly did not approve of Sheila’s mechanisms to get what she sought after, but she could see how much Sheila’s life and soul was riding on her love for Scott Grainger.
Molly told her that she must take up Scott and Lauren’s invitation to their rehearsal dinner. Molly suggested that perhaps Sheila must show up with a wedding present in her hands to make amends with her cousin and get into her good graces and circle of trust. Sheila knew this was impossible, since it already had been getting through her first trimester of her pregnancy. She also did not fancy doing that because it would mean Lauren won the battle, but Lauren would lose the war. Sheila raised her eyebrow when she was thinking of something sinister in her mind, and thought of a brilliant plan. Molly told her the unfortunate news, which made Sheila distraught at first but just got her creative juices flowing in getting revenge against Lauren.
Sheila decided to go to the wedding boutique. She asked the salesgirl for a white suit with a veil that would make her face indistinguishable. Sheila knew that Lauren was also pregnant with Scott’s baby, so she had to find a way to get Lauren away from Scott. Nothing stopped Sheila once an idea came to fruition in her head, and not even an unborn child would change her mind. So it was decided.
When Sheila Carter sneaked in the rehearsal dinner unnoticed, she saw that Lauren had been drinking punch from a wine glass. When the crowds of the party subsided somewhat, Sheila decided to make her move. She took rubbing alcohol from her Nursing student friend, and added a medium dose of it into Lauren’s drink. After Sheila was done, she quickly put the sample in her white purse and hurriedly escaped from the back door. She quickly went to the window and pulled out her binoculars. She wanted to make sure that Lauren drank the alcohol, so she would then miscarry. She was smug and whispered out YES! She tiptoed her way to the side window and noticed that the poison she had spiked in her drink seemed to have no effect on her whatsoever. Sheila was disappointed. She worked so hard and for what? She knew that Lauren had triumphed once again, and she suddenly got an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. She vomited in the bushes. It made her physically ill that the man she loved was with a tramp like Lauren Fenmore. Sheila knew that Scott really loved her, as he admitted so the night he wanted to consummate their relationship. If she had given in, Lauren wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. Sheila wouldn’t have had to get pregnant because Scott would be hers anyway. Sheila, seethed with anger, left before anyone could discover her.
It wasn’t until after Sheila had left that the effects of Lauren’s poisoning were starting. She had cramps in her abdomen but made no mention of this to Scott. Lauren couldn’t believe it. She was starting to get tipsy, and for a moment, she forgot that she was pregnant. Lauren made the fatal mistake of drinking more of the poisoned punch. After the party, she went into the bathroom and vomited.
Scott was about to leave, and he noticed that Lauren seemed pale and unsettled. Lauren just explained that she had pre-wedding jitters and just needed to get a good night’s sleep. Scott left, but was concerned about Lauren’s physical state. After the car left the driveway, Lauren noticed that Scott left his mobile phone. She went to give it back, but tripped on the heel of her evening gown and fell all the way down the lengthy stairs. She was knocked unconscious and had no pulse. Lauren’s mother, Joanna Manning, was awakened from her slumber, and immediately dialled 911. Two hours later, Lauren was revived but was devastated to learn that she miscarried. After Joanna called Scott, Scott instantly called Sheila, who was crying after her supposedly failed plan. Sheila pretended to care, and said she would be right over. When Sheila heard the news of Lauren’s baby, she rushed into Scott’s arms and faked tears. Sheila gave her evil smile, as proud as she ever was that now Lauren couldn’t give him what she could now. After Scott composed himself, he noticed that Sheila had gained weight. Sheila told him that she was pregnant with his child. Scott would have been lying if he had said that he was worried about how Lauren would react to the product of his affair with Sheila.
Yes, Sheila was indeed indestructible. She would continue on with her treachery for 16 more years, until her climax of a demise…
Chapter 8
Sheila Carter believed one thing and one thing only. She was indestructible. She overcame a lot in a very short life. She was a victim, and she overcame a bitch by conquering her fiancé. She had an ace up her sleeve when it came to her mother Molly. If Sheila went down, she would take her mother right down with her. After all, no one could prove that either of them committed murder. Then again, no one knew how the two women were oppressed by males in the mainstream culture. Sheila Carter was indestructible. She could overcome anything, even her arch-nemesis of a cousin, Lauren Fenmore. Most importantly, she would conquer the love of her life, Scott Grainger.
When Sheila became pregnant with Scott’s love child, she felt liberated as any woman could be in her delicate condition. Her liberation was actually a union. A union that outlasted anything that Scott may have shared with Lauren. Sheila was more determined than ever to break Scott and Lauren’s relationship, by any means necessary.
The night before Scott and Lauren’s wedding, an elaborate rehearsal dinner was taking place. Sheila got an invitation by mistake, even though Lauren knew about Scott’s affair with her cousin. At first, Sheila thought that this was a cruel joke, and could not believe that Scott would throw his marriage to Lauren in her face. Suddenly however, Sheila thought of a brilliant plan. She had to discuss this with her mother. Molly did not approve of Sheila’s mechanisms to get what she sought after, but she could see how much Sheila’s life and soul was riding on her love for Scott Grainger.
Molly told her that she must take up Scott and Lauren’s invitation to their rehearsal dinner. Molly suggested that perhaps Sheila must show up with a wedding present in her hands to make amends with her cousin and get into her good graces and circle of trust. Sheila knew this was impossible, since it already had been getting through her first trimester of her pregnancy. She also did not fancy doing that because it would mean Lauren won the battle, but Lauren would lose the war. Sheila raised her eyebrow when she was thinking of something sinister in her mind, and thought of a brilliant plan. Molly told her the unfortunate news, which made Sheila distraught at first but just got her creative juices flowing in getting revenge against Lauren.
Sheila decided to go to the wedding boutique. She asked the salesgirl for a white suit with a veil that would make her face indistinguishable. Sheila knew that Lauren was also pregnant with Scott’s baby, so she had to find a way to get Lauren away from Scott. Nothing stopped Sheila once an idea came to fruition in her head, and not even an unborn child would change her mind. So it was decided.
When Sheila Carter sneaked in the rehearsal dinner unnoticed, she saw that Lauren had been drinking punch from a wine glass. When the crowds of the party subsided somewhat, Sheila decided to make her move. She took rubbing alcohol from her Nursing student friend, and added a medium dose of it into Lauren’s drink. After Sheila was done, she quickly put the sample in her white purse and hurriedly escaped from the back door. She quickly went to the window and pulled out her binoculars. She wanted to make sure that Lauren drank the alcohol, so she would then miscarry. She was smug and whispered out YES! She tiptoed her way to the side window and noticed that the poison she had spiked in her drink seemed to have no effect on her whatsoever. Sheila was disappointed. She worked so hard and for what? She knew that Lauren had triumphed once again, and she suddenly got an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. She vomited in the bushes. It made her physically ill that the man she loved was with a tramp like Lauren Fenmore. Sheila knew that Scott really loved her, as he admitted so the night he wanted to consummate their relationship. If she had given in, Lauren wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. Sheila wouldn’t have had to get pregnant because Scott would be hers anyway. Sheila, seethed with anger, left before anyone could discover her.
It wasn’t until after Sheila had left that the effects of Lauren’s poisoning were starting. She had cramps in her abdomen but made no mention of this to Scott. Lauren couldn’t believe it. She was starting to get tipsy, and for a moment, she forgot that she was pregnant. Lauren made the fatal mistake of drinking more of the poisoned punch. After the party, she went into the bathroom and vomited.
Scott was about to leave, and he noticed that Lauren seemed pale and unsettled. Lauren just explained that she had pre-wedding jitters and just needed to get a good night’s sleep. Scott left, but was concerned about Lauren’s physical state. After the car left the driveway, Lauren noticed that Scott left his mobile phone. She went to give it back, but tripped on the heel of her evening gown and fell all the way down the lengthy stairs. She was knocked unconscious and had no pulse. Lauren’s mother, Joanna Manning, was awakened from her slumber, and immediately dialled 911. Two hours later, Lauren was revived but was devastated to learn that she miscarried. After Joanna called Scott, Scott instantly called Sheila, who was crying after her supposedly failed plan. Sheila pretended to care, and said she would be right over. When Sheila heard the news of Lauren’s baby, she rushed into Scott’s arms and faked tears. Sheila gave her evil smile, as proud as she ever was that now Lauren couldn’t give him what she could now. After Scott composed himself, he noticed that Sheila had gained weight. Sheila told him that she was pregnant with his child. Scott would have been lying if he had said that he was worried about how Lauren would react to the product of his affair with Sheila.
Yes, Sheila was indeed indestructible. She would continue on with her treachery for 16 more years, until her climax of a demise…
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Sheila Carter couldn’t believe it. She was about to have a child. All the maternal emotions were coming to her, the ones she learned about in her summer course. All her life she wanted to be a mother. She wanted to give her children what her mother never could. She did not want to be one of those mothers such as Stacey Cameron in Margaret Laurence’s The Fire-Dwellers. She wasn’t about to spend her motherhood going crazy in her mind and having a husband who makes her feel subservient. Scott would never treat her like that. He was a good man.
A couple of nights before, Lauren Fenmore and Scott Grainger were having an engagement party. Scott had become ever so distant since he had an affair with Lauren’s cousin, Sheila Carter. He knew he loved Sheila. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. The night he met her was one of the best nights of his life. He knew Lauren had been around with the likes of the PI detective Paul Williams and former pool boy Brad Carlton, but Sheila was the total opposite of Lauren Fenmore. She only had room for him in her heart. Deep within his heart, he knew that Lauren would survive without him. It was on this night that Scott couldn’t stand the silence, and he decided to tell Lauren of his affair with Sheila. That was until he saw that everyone was drinking champagne and Lauren was drinking iced tea. He thought this was suspicious. Lauren had always been a fan of alcoholic beverages at events such as this, but this time was different. He knew he must come clean. “No, I mustn’t”, thought Scott and he briefly went to recollect himself in the washroom. He had to prepare himself for tearing Lauren’s heart out.
When he emerged, he saw something that caught his eye. Lauren was dancing with former flame Paul Williams. In a way, this redeemed Scott’s affair with Sheila. It was in this moment that Scott realized that he was in love with Sheila, and he couldn’t believe that Lauren was making a fool out of him at their own engagement party. He strutted up to them, and grabbed Paul off of his fiancée. Pretty soon, punches were being thrown in front of an entire hall.
Lauren stopped them, and told Scott she was having their baby. Scott was astonished. This didn’t stop Scott from admitting his affair with Sheila. Lauren and Paul were in disbelief. “That slut!”, Lauren thought. She slapped Scott and kicked his family jewels.
“How could you do this to me? I love you.”
“Oh, and I suppose that’s the reason why you’re slow-dancing with your ex at our engagement party.”
“Paul and I are just friends. I’ve never cheated on you.”
“Lauren, you and I both know that if it’s anyone that’s been a slut, it’s yourself. Sheila is different.”
“I can’t believe you’re comparing me to Sheila. She’s nothing like me. This shouldn’t even matter. I’m having your baby, so whether or not you love my cousin and not me, you’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.”
Lauren started weeping, and Scott took pity on her. Scott realized he had overreacted, and though he didn’t love her, she was having his child. Sheila wasn’t. Though he didn’t quite remember the last night he spent making love to Sheila. He had to marry Lauren. After all, Scott didn’t want to make the same mistakes his parents made. He grew up in an extended family, and didn’t want the same for his child. You’re delusional if you think Scott loved you and not Lauren. Scott apologized profusely for his behaviour at the party and for his affair with Sheila. Lauren understood, even though she wasn’t through with Sheila yet. Scott asked: “How far along are you?”. Lauren said 4 weeks. How ironic that it had been 4 weeks since he ended things with Sheila.
Sheila went home to her mother and told her that she was pregnant. Molly was flabbergasted. She didn’t believe that her daughter could be so careless. Sheila told her mother that this was her plan to make Scott hers. Molly couldn’t believe her daughter. She must have been so ashamed of you. On the contrary, Molly admired Sheila for taking charge of her own happiness, as was the moral behind Alice Munro’s “The Red Dress”.
Molly asked her how she managed it:
“I took matters into my own hands. I learned this trick on the news.”
“You took advantage of him, didn’t you? You raped Scott.”
“I didn’t rape Scott. It wasn’t like that. He wanted to say goodbye to me, and I simply wouldn’t let him.”
“You drugged him?”
“Of course I drugged him. When I slept with him the first time, I didn’t get pregnant. I had to find a way to keep him.”
Molly asked her why she shouldn’t go to the police.
“I know you won’t go to the police. I know how Dad disappeared.”
Molly turned beat red and felt nervous and queezy. She had to hit the bathroom.
Sheila continued: “One night you just about had it with him. So you murdered him. I know because you put slipcovers on our sofa. The slipcovers conceal the red bloodstain that he probably got when you stabbed him right through his heart. You told me it was ketchup, ha! Then, the next morning I came home and I smelt old ashes and smoke all over the house. Suddenly, it all fits. You covered up your dirty little secret very well. You incinerated his body so no one would ever find him. I got to say Mom, you’re very clever! I wouldn’t have planned it any better.” Sheila, this isn’t true. That didn’t happen. You are going to write what I tell you to, or I’ll blow your brains out!
So what? Molly had an ace up her sleeve.
“2 years ago, you had to sneak off to a date I presume. I saw you get into a red Convertible with a guy I had never seen before, and you didn’t return for hours. You thought I had gone to bed when you returned, but I was wide-awake. You looked frazzled, your bra was unhooked, and you had dirt all over you. Then, shortly thereafter a car that matched my memory was found beneath the Cliffside and there was no evidence of a body.”
Now Sheila exhibited the same constipation that her mother felt earlier.
“The remains were so incinerated that the case was closed.”
“So? What does that prove? That couldn’t have been me.”
“It was you, sweetheart. You were raped and you had to get revenge on your assailant. Plus, 2 months later, you developed gonorrhoea. I know you’d been a good girl, and Dr. Winters told me that only people who’ve been sexually active got that STD.”
Sheila and Molly came to an understanding. Sheila declared in her mind that this was a battle to the death.
Sheila Carter couldn’t believe it. She was about to have a child. All the maternal emotions were coming to her, the ones she learned about in her summer course. All her life she wanted to be a mother. She wanted to give her children what her mother never could. She did not want to be one of those mothers such as Stacey Cameron in Margaret Laurence’s The Fire-Dwellers. She wasn’t about to spend her motherhood going crazy in her mind and having a husband who makes her feel subservient. Scott would never treat her like that. He was a good man.
A couple of nights before, Lauren Fenmore and Scott Grainger were having an engagement party. Scott had become ever so distant since he had an affair with Lauren’s cousin, Sheila Carter. He knew he loved Sheila. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. The night he met her was one of the best nights of his life. He knew Lauren had been around with the likes of the PI detective Paul Williams and former pool boy Brad Carlton, but Sheila was the total opposite of Lauren Fenmore. She only had room for him in her heart. Deep within his heart, he knew that Lauren would survive without him. It was on this night that Scott couldn’t stand the silence, and he decided to tell Lauren of his affair with Sheila. That was until he saw that everyone was drinking champagne and Lauren was drinking iced tea. He thought this was suspicious. Lauren had always been a fan of alcoholic beverages at events such as this, but this time was different. He knew he must come clean. “No, I mustn’t”, thought Scott and he briefly went to recollect himself in the washroom. He had to prepare himself for tearing Lauren’s heart out.
When he emerged, he saw something that caught his eye. Lauren was dancing with former flame Paul Williams. In a way, this redeemed Scott’s affair with Sheila. It was in this moment that Scott realized that he was in love with Sheila, and he couldn’t believe that Lauren was making a fool out of him at their own engagement party. He strutted up to them, and grabbed Paul off of his fiancée. Pretty soon, punches were being thrown in front of an entire hall.
Lauren stopped them, and told Scott she was having their baby. Scott was astonished. This didn’t stop Scott from admitting his affair with Sheila. Lauren and Paul were in disbelief. “That slut!”, Lauren thought. She slapped Scott and kicked his family jewels.
“How could you do this to me? I love you.”
“Oh, and I suppose that’s the reason why you’re slow-dancing with your ex at our engagement party.”
“Paul and I are just friends. I’ve never cheated on you.”
“Lauren, you and I both know that if it’s anyone that’s been a slut, it’s yourself. Sheila is different.”
“I can’t believe you’re comparing me to Sheila. She’s nothing like me. This shouldn’t even matter. I’m having your baby, so whether or not you love my cousin and not me, you’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.”
Lauren started weeping, and Scott took pity on her. Scott realized he had overreacted, and though he didn’t love her, she was having his child. Sheila wasn’t. Though he didn’t quite remember the last night he spent making love to Sheila. He had to marry Lauren. After all, Scott didn’t want to make the same mistakes his parents made. He grew up in an extended family, and didn’t want the same for his child. You’re delusional if you think Scott loved you and not Lauren. Scott apologized profusely for his behaviour at the party and for his affair with Sheila. Lauren understood, even though she wasn’t through with Sheila yet. Scott asked: “How far along are you?”. Lauren said 4 weeks. How ironic that it had been 4 weeks since he ended things with Sheila.
Sheila went home to her mother and told her that she was pregnant. Molly was flabbergasted. She didn’t believe that her daughter could be so careless. Sheila told her mother that this was her plan to make Scott hers. Molly couldn’t believe her daughter. She must have been so ashamed of you. On the contrary, Molly admired Sheila for taking charge of her own happiness, as was the moral behind Alice Munro’s “The Red Dress”.
Molly asked her how she managed it:
“I took matters into my own hands. I learned this trick on the news.”
“You took advantage of him, didn’t you? You raped Scott.”
“I didn’t rape Scott. It wasn’t like that. He wanted to say goodbye to me, and I simply wouldn’t let him.”
“You drugged him?”
“Of course I drugged him. When I slept with him the first time, I didn’t get pregnant. I had to find a way to keep him.”
Molly asked her why she shouldn’t go to the police.
“I know you won’t go to the police. I know how Dad disappeared.”
Molly turned beat red and felt nervous and queezy. She had to hit the bathroom.
Sheila continued: “One night you just about had it with him. So you murdered him. I know because you put slipcovers on our sofa. The slipcovers conceal the red bloodstain that he probably got when you stabbed him right through his heart. You told me it was ketchup, ha! Then, the next morning I came home and I smelt old ashes and smoke all over the house. Suddenly, it all fits. You covered up your dirty little secret very well. You incinerated his body so no one would ever find him. I got to say Mom, you’re very clever! I wouldn’t have planned it any better.” Sheila, this isn’t true. That didn’t happen. You are going to write what I tell you to, or I’ll blow your brains out!
So what? Molly had an ace up her sleeve.
“2 years ago, you had to sneak off to a date I presume. I saw you get into a red Convertible with a guy I had never seen before, and you didn’t return for hours. You thought I had gone to bed when you returned, but I was wide-awake. You looked frazzled, your bra was unhooked, and you had dirt all over you. Then, shortly thereafter a car that matched my memory was found beneath the Cliffside and there was no evidence of a body.”
Now Sheila exhibited the same constipation that her mother felt earlier.
“The remains were so incinerated that the case was closed.”
“So? What does that prove? That couldn’t have been me.”
“It was you, sweetheart. You were raped and you had to get revenge on your assailant. Plus, 2 months later, you developed gonorrhoea. I know you’d been a good girl, and Dr. Winters told me that only people who’ve been sexually active got that STD.”
Sheila and Molly came to an understanding. Sheila declared in her mind that this was a battle to the death.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Chapter 6
Hey guys,
Please end the silence! Tell me what you think of this novel so far! I'm posting the 6th chapter.
Love, F.
Chapter 6
Before Sheila Carter committed the crime of murder after she herself was violated, she had the sense of right and wrong. She lost that mentality, and thought that she gained it back before Scott Grainger came into her life. It had been one month since Sheila’s goodbye to Scott took place. She was grateful that her plan was working. Sheila had not menstruated since the final night she had made love to Scott.
Sheila told her mother Molly that Scott might think he is in love with Lauren Fenmore but that he will eventually realize that he is in love with her. Molly knew how much this meant to her daughter. She had wished the same in her youth after her husband “disappeared” without a trace. Even though Molly was proud of Sheila’s determination to take charge of her own happiness (and stated as much), she did not know the lengths that Sheila went to make sure that her odds were in her favour. Sheila was not at all pleased when her mother confronted her about her feelings for her cousin’s fiancé.
“What do you mean, Mom? You said you were proud of me.”
“I know, dear. I don’t know where this is heading into.”
“Mom, I love Scott. Do you understand what it feels like when you have to have something that will make you happy and set you free?”
Molly Carter knew all too well. It was the question she dreaded.
“Sheila, I love you. Of course I did things for you to protect you and I made sure that you had a decent life. I think that Scott really loves Lauren.”
Sheila did not want to hear that. It made her stomach crumble. Sheila Carter was the Scarlett O’Hara of the late 20th-century. She coveted a man that wasn’t hers, but that love existed in her mind.
“Mom, I’ve slept with Scott. More than once.”
“WHAT? Sheila, no. This would break Lauren’s heart.”
“Who cares? Lauren Fenmore is of a high class station. She can have a pick at any man in town. I love Scott Grainger more than she ever could. She is a slut.”
“You weren’t made a whore by sleeping with your cousin’s fiancé?”
“Mom, it wasn’t like that. This is different.”
“How is it different?”
“Because Scott loves me, and I love him. I know that this will work. I will triumph in the end.”
Molly was frazzled, but she let Sheila explain:
“When I met Scott at Joanna Manning’s party, I fell in love with him. I know he felt the same way about me because I saw it in his eyes. He was mesmerized by me. He made me feel I was beautiful. He thought I was beautiful. We danced to a very romantic song.”
Molly changed her tune. She saw how much this meant to her daughter.
“Dear, if you want this for yourself, you must do whatever it takes to make Scott yours.”
“Oh believe me Mom, I will.”
The next morning, Sheila got a call from her cousin Lauren. She said she had to see her right away, and hung up the phone on her. Sheila was prepared to face off with Lauren. Lauren had no idea what Sheila was capable of. An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was Lauren.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” Lauren slapped her.
“You’ll never get Scott. You’re not good enough for him.”
Sheila snapped. “Oh, and you are? You two-bed tramp!” and she slapped her right back.
They started fighting, and luckily Molly was around to stop the two girls from killing each other. Molly threatened to call the police.
Lauren retorted. “Fine I’ll go. Sheila, you just remember this. If you ever see Scott again, I’ll kill you. You stay away from my fiancé!”
Two hours later, Sheila nervously went to her OB-GYN. She was agitated and felt pain in her abdomen. Dr. Winters scheduled her for a pregnancy test. It was positive. Sheila’s plan was working. She had become pregnant with Scott’s baby. Unbeknownst to Lauren, Sheila had the upper hand. What Sheila didn’t know is that she and Lauren were on the same playing field.
Please end the silence! Tell me what you think of this novel so far! I'm posting the 6th chapter.
Love, F.
Chapter 6
Before Sheila Carter committed the crime of murder after she herself was violated, she had the sense of right and wrong. She lost that mentality, and thought that she gained it back before Scott Grainger came into her life. It had been one month since Sheila’s goodbye to Scott took place. She was grateful that her plan was working. Sheila had not menstruated since the final night she had made love to Scott.
Sheila told her mother Molly that Scott might think he is in love with Lauren Fenmore but that he will eventually realize that he is in love with her. Molly knew how much this meant to her daughter. She had wished the same in her youth after her husband “disappeared” without a trace. Even though Molly was proud of Sheila’s determination to take charge of her own happiness (and stated as much), she did not know the lengths that Sheila went to make sure that her odds were in her favour. Sheila was not at all pleased when her mother confronted her about her feelings for her cousin’s fiancé.
“What do you mean, Mom? You said you were proud of me.”
“I know, dear. I don’t know where this is heading into.”
“Mom, I love Scott. Do you understand what it feels like when you have to have something that will make you happy and set you free?”
Molly Carter knew all too well. It was the question she dreaded.
“Sheila, I love you. Of course I did things for you to protect you and I made sure that you had a decent life. I think that Scott really loves Lauren.”
Sheila did not want to hear that. It made her stomach crumble. Sheila Carter was the Scarlett O’Hara of the late 20th-century. She coveted a man that wasn’t hers, but that love existed in her mind.
“Mom, I’ve slept with Scott. More than once.”
“WHAT? Sheila, no. This would break Lauren’s heart.”
“Who cares? Lauren Fenmore is of a high class station. She can have a pick at any man in town. I love Scott Grainger more than she ever could. She is a slut.”
“You weren’t made a whore by sleeping with your cousin’s fiancé?”
“Mom, it wasn’t like that. This is different.”
“How is it different?”
“Because Scott loves me, and I love him. I know that this will work. I will triumph in the end.”
Molly was frazzled, but she let Sheila explain:
“When I met Scott at Joanna Manning’s party, I fell in love with him. I know he felt the same way about me because I saw it in his eyes. He was mesmerized by me. He made me feel I was beautiful. He thought I was beautiful. We danced to a very romantic song.”
Molly changed her tune. She saw how much this meant to her daughter.
“Dear, if you want this for yourself, you must do whatever it takes to make Scott yours.”
“Oh believe me Mom, I will.”
The next morning, Sheila got a call from her cousin Lauren. She said she had to see her right away, and hung up the phone on her. Sheila was prepared to face off with Lauren. Lauren had no idea what Sheila was capable of. An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was Lauren.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” Lauren slapped her.
“You’ll never get Scott. You’re not good enough for him.”
Sheila snapped. “Oh, and you are? You two-bed tramp!” and she slapped her right back.
They started fighting, and luckily Molly was around to stop the two girls from killing each other. Molly threatened to call the police.
Lauren retorted. “Fine I’ll go. Sheila, you just remember this. If you ever see Scott again, I’ll kill you. You stay away from my fiancé!”
Two hours later, Sheila nervously went to her OB-GYN. She was agitated and felt pain in her abdomen. Dr. Winters scheduled her for a pregnancy test. It was positive. Sheila’s plan was working. She had become pregnant with Scott’s baby. Unbeknownst to Lauren, Sheila had the upper hand. What Sheila didn’t know is that she and Lauren were on the same playing field.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Chapter 5... FINALLY!!!!
Chapter 5 ladies and gentlemen, I promise will be a whopper and will be the beginning of Sheila's story. You must read, for I will not give previews as to the outcome. There are hints, particularly near the end of this chapter. So stay read!
Chapter 5
When Sheila Carter finished her summer course on Mothering and Motherhood, she gained a newfound respect for her mother. As she immersed in Adrienne Rich’s Of Woman Born along with subsequent texts, she saw that motherhood is indeed oppressive to women. What Sheila learned however, was that women and young girls are oppressed by a patriarchal society. Her knowledge would be put to the test and practiced 3 hours after she would meet with Scott Grainger. If there was one thing Sheila Carter was known for, it was her fortitude to get everything that she wants. She did not let the guy who violated her get away with what he did, and she wasn’t about to let her cousin take away her happiness.
Scott had called her 2 nights before, asking her to come over to his place. He had said that there was something he needed to talk to her about. Sheila was ecstatic. In her mind, she loved Scott Grainger. He was the only man for her. She read about Mr. Rochester in her favourite novel, Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre. Only this man made her feel beautiful, worldly, and sophisticated. She was oppressed as Eyre and many Victorian women were, but she was determined to win Scott and remove him from Lauren Fenmore’s clutches. No one could ever love Scott as much as Sheila did. She coloured her hair a light golden brown, and applied her make-up. She was careful in her application as to not seem as a clown or a whore for her first date with the first handsome man she had seen in her whole life. She left her house ready to meet the man of her dreams, where he would sweep her off her feet and dump Lauren for the selfish bitch that she was. How can Lauren Fenmore win someone as special as Scott Grainger? After all, Lauren was much prettier than Sheila did, and was more experienced. In high school, Sheila was always jealous of the dumb blonde types. Sheila was intelligent and in the end, she would have the last laugh.
When she arrived at Scott’s, she tried to lean over for a kiss but Scott pulled away. Scott had bad news for Sheila.
“Sheila, I think you should sit down when I’m telling you this.”
“Oh My God, Scott…”
“No, Sheila. I can’t see you anymore.”
Sheila was crushed. She had never been this disappointed in her life.
“Sheila, Lauren is pregnant.”
“What?”
“And I’ve asked her to marry me.”
“Scott, Lauren doesn’t deserve you. She doesn’t love you as much as I do.”
“Sheila, you can’t possibly tell me that you love me. You’ve only known me for a short while.”
“Who are you to tell me how I feel? You can’t possibly understand what I’m going through.”
Sheila was proud that she defended herself, but then realized that she wasn’t helping her cause. This was reminiscent of Scarlett O’Hara in one of her favourite movies. Like Sheila’s with Scott, Scarlett’s life was based on loving a man who was married to someone else, a woman she despised.
“Scott, I’m sorry I snapped at you. I really do love you. Is there any way you can possibly avoid marrying Lauren? I know how you feel about me, and feelings like the ones I possess for you don’t go away overnight.”
“Sheila, this pregnancy has made me realize where my priorities lie. I love Lauren and I want to raise this baby with her.”
Sheila was in tears. Her world was destroyed. She soon pulled herself together, as much as she can possibly could.
“What about that night when we kissed? We almost made love.”
“Sheila, you pulled away from me. Don’t you remember?”
Scott could never know why she pulled away from the man she loved. It would mean going to prison.
“Scott, I wasn’t ready then. I’m ready now.”
“No, Sheila I can’t.”
“Scott, is there any way that we can fix this? I promise that we’ll work this out. I know we can. I know you don’t love Lauren. I know you love me”.
Sheila went up to Scott, and she kissed him. He reluctantly kissed her back, and they gave into their feelings for a night of passion and ecstasy. He carried her into his bedroom and made passionate love to Sheila. When he was in her, it was the most amazing sensation she had ever felt. It was unlike the pain she endured when Jason raped her, it was pleasant and downright powerful.
After the climax, Lauren called. It was at that moment that Sheila realized that this could be the way to Scott Grainger’s heart. She was almost finished her Honours BA degree, it wouldn’t hurt her career to get pregnant with Scott’s love child. That would get him out of Lauren’s life for good. Scott then started putting his clothes back on, and immediately told Sheila to leave because Lauren was about to come over. Sheila quickly left.
When Sheila came home, she felt the wrath and fury of her mother Molly Carter. Molly grabbed Sheila by her white flowered blouse, and she said:
“I know where you were tonight. You were at her cousin’s boyfriend’s place. My guess is that you made a common tramp of yourself by sleeping with him. I’m PROUD of you.”
Sheila was startled. She suddenly had a surprise ally in her corner. It was at that exact moment that she saw the pain in her eyes. The pain of her oppression as a mother and as a wife, and she came to realize that she really loved her mother. 3 days later, Sheila took a pregnancy test. She wasn’t pregnant. It was then that Sheila Carter discovered the worst thing about being a mother was not oppression due to patriarchy, but the pure fact of not being a mother at all.
A week later, Sheila heard a news bulletin. A local girl was date-raped. Sheila was menstruating, and that was the perfect time to conceive a child. She had a friend who was in Nursing No that’s not true and she concocted a “potion” to trap Scott from marrying Lauren. She drove to Scott’s the next night with a bottle of champagne. She begged him for one more night, just to talk and as a peace offering. When he went back in the kitchen, she slipped some Ripnol in his glass and after drinking his last sip, he fell unconscious and she stated:
“It’s showtime Sheila Carter. I’m sorry Scott, I love you but I have to do this. I have to get you away from that bitch. This is the perfect time, if you know what I mean.” Yeah, you really loved him Sheila. That was why you raped him.
IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP, I WILL KILL YOU!
Sheila Carter was amazed. She was no longer oppressed; she gained empowerment, something of which her mother never had, that she knew of anyway.
Chapter 5
When Sheila Carter finished her summer course on Mothering and Motherhood, she gained a newfound respect for her mother. As she immersed in Adrienne Rich’s Of Woman Born along with subsequent texts, she saw that motherhood is indeed oppressive to women. What Sheila learned however, was that women and young girls are oppressed by a patriarchal society. Her knowledge would be put to the test and practiced 3 hours after she would meet with Scott Grainger. If there was one thing Sheila Carter was known for, it was her fortitude to get everything that she wants. She did not let the guy who violated her get away with what he did, and she wasn’t about to let her cousin take away her happiness.
Scott had called her 2 nights before, asking her to come over to his place. He had said that there was something he needed to talk to her about. Sheila was ecstatic. In her mind, she loved Scott Grainger. He was the only man for her. She read about Mr. Rochester in her favourite novel, Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre. Only this man made her feel beautiful, worldly, and sophisticated. She was oppressed as Eyre and many Victorian women were, but she was determined to win Scott and remove him from Lauren Fenmore’s clutches. No one could ever love Scott as much as Sheila did. She coloured her hair a light golden brown, and applied her make-up. She was careful in her application as to not seem as a clown or a whore for her first date with the first handsome man she had seen in her whole life. She left her house ready to meet the man of her dreams, where he would sweep her off her feet and dump Lauren for the selfish bitch that she was. How can Lauren Fenmore win someone as special as Scott Grainger? After all, Lauren was much prettier than Sheila did, and was more experienced. In high school, Sheila was always jealous of the dumb blonde types. Sheila was intelligent and in the end, she would have the last laugh.
When she arrived at Scott’s, she tried to lean over for a kiss but Scott pulled away. Scott had bad news for Sheila.
“Sheila, I think you should sit down when I’m telling you this.”
“Oh My God, Scott…”
“No, Sheila. I can’t see you anymore.”
Sheila was crushed. She had never been this disappointed in her life.
“Sheila, Lauren is pregnant.”
“What?”
“And I’ve asked her to marry me.”
“Scott, Lauren doesn’t deserve you. She doesn’t love you as much as I do.”
“Sheila, you can’t possibly tell me that you love me. You’ve only known me for a short while.”
“Who are you to tell me how I feel? You can’t possibly understand what I’m going through.”
Sheila was proud that she defended herself, but then realized that she wasn’t helping her cause. This was reminiscent of Scarlett O’Hara in one of her favourite movies. Like Sheila’s with Scott, Scarlett’s life was based on loving a man who was married to someone else, a woman she despised.
“Scott, I’m sorry I snapped at you. I really do love you. Is there any way you can possibly avoid marrying Lauren? I know how you feel about me, and feelings like the ones I possess for you don’t go away overnight.”
“Sheila, this pregnancy has made me realize where my priorities lie. I love Lauren and I want to raise this baby with her.”
Sheila was in tears. Her world was destroyed. She soon pulled herself together, as much as she can possibly could.
“What about that night when we kissed? We almost made love.”
“Sheila, you pulled away from me. Don’t you remember?”
Scott could never know why she pulled away from the man she loved. It would mean going to prison.
“Scott, I wasn’t ready then. I’m ready now.”
“No, Sheila I can’t.”
“Scott, is there any way that we can fix this? I promise that we’ll work this out. I know we can. I know you don’t love Lauren. I know you love me”.
Sheila went up to Scott, and she kissed him. He reluctantly kissed her back, and they gave into their feelings for a night of passion and ecstasy. He carried her into his bedroom and made passionate love to Sheila. When he was in her, it was the most amazing sensation she had ever felt. It was unlike the pain she endured when Jason raped her, it was pleasant and downright powerful.
After the climax, Lauren called. It was at that moment that Sheila realized that this could be the way to Scott Grainger’s heart. She was almost finished her Honours BA degree, it wouldn’t hurt her career to get pregnant with Scott’s love child. That would get him out of Lauren’s life for good. Scott then started putting his clothes back on, and immediately told Sheila to leave because Lauren was about to come over. Sheila quickly left.
When Sheila came home, she felt the wrath and fury of her mother Molly Carter. Molly grabbed Sheila by her white flowered blouse, and she said:
“I know where you were tonight. You were at her cousin’s boyfriend’s place. My guess is that you made a common tramp of yourself by sleeping with him. I’m PROUD of you.”
Sheila was startled. She suddenly had a surprise ally in her corner. It was at that exact moment that she saw the pain in her eyes. The pain of her oppression as a mother and as a wife, and she came to realize that she really loved her mother. 3 days later, Sheila took a pregnancy test. She wasn’t pregnant. It was then that Sheila Carter discovered the worst thing about being a mother was not oppression due to patriarchy, but the pure fact of not being a mother at all.
A week later, Sheila heard a news bulletin. A local girl was date-raped. Sheila was menstruating, and that was the perfect time to conceive a child. She had a friend who was in Nursing No that’s not true and she concocted a “potion” to trap Scott from marrying Lauren. She drove to Scott’s the next night with a bottle of champagne. She begged him for one more night, just to talk and as a peace offering. When he went back in the kitchen, she slipped some Ripnol in his glass and after drinking his last sip, he fell unconscious and she stated:
“It’s showtime Sheila Carter. I’m sorry Scott, I love you but I have to do this. I have to get you away from that bitch. This is the perfect time, if you know what I mean.” Yeah, you really loved him Sheila. That was why you raped him.
IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP, I WILL KILL YOU!
Sheila Carter was amazed. She was no longer oppressed; she gained empowerment, something of which her mother never had, that she knew of anyway.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Apologies
Hey everyone,
You may be wondering why I haven't been continuing on with the story. I've been SO busy with my summer school course, it's not even funny. I'm done school for now on June 18th, so that will most likely be the earliest that I'll publish another chapter. My apologies:( To Amanda, yes I have these chapters on Microsoft Word documents. If I happen to get a publisher, I will definitely send in these drafts for hopefully a bestseller novel!!!
Take care!
Love, F.
You may be wondering why I haven't been continuing on with the story. I've been SO busy with my summer school course, it's not even funny. I'm done school for now on June 18th, so that will most likely be the earliest that I'll publish another chapter. My apologies:( To Amanda, yes I have these chapters on Microsoft Word documents. If I happen to get a publisher, I will definitely send in these drafts for hopefully a bestseller novel!!!
Take care!
Love, F.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Chapter 4: Posted with Hesitation
Hello everyone,
I post the next chapter out of hesitation. It was a difficult chapter to compose, and I spent hours working it so it made at least a bit of sense. The reason I wrote this chapter is because the novel is in its beginning stages. I wanted to show why Sheila Carter became the way she is, and why she was so troubled psychologically. It is possible that I will never refer back to this crime she committed because there is still the main story of Scott Grainger and Lauren Fenmore to be written and well thought out. Let me know if you have any ideas as to how this chapter can be re-worked in order for everything to fall into place.
Enjoy!
Love, F.
P.S. Tomorrow (May 1st) is my 22nd birthday!
Chapter 4
The trauma that Sheila Carter exhibited came to a front-burner soap opera storyline when she turned 18. As stated before, Sheila felt isolated from everyone, and her age-mates at school were no exception. That is, until the day before her senior prom.
A young man that was in Sheila’s English class asked her out on a date. Sheila was taken aback by this sudden love interest. All of the girls at Walnut Grove Academy were rich, blonde, and beautiful. Sheila was awkward, had long plain brown hair, and wore braces. Sheila assumed that Jason Worthington was a womanizer and he was known around campus as “Mr. Jock”. There were rumours that he had all the blonde bombshells that were cheerleaders of his football team. He was the all-star quarterback. (Keep in mind that Sheila’s mind was not logical. She assumed all of these things about a guy she never met before until that minute). She made up a story in her head that he was all of these things, just because she found him to be attractive. This was her fantasy when Jason finally introduced himself after knowing her and attending the same school as she did for 4 years. Jason was really a shy young man and frequently kept to himself, quite contrary to how Sheila pictured him. She went by his looks and his looks alone conjured up all the rumours that she “heard”, but only imagined and assumed.
When Jason asked her out on a date, Sheila was a lonely recluse and she kept in mind the high school movies which portrayed the lead character as a victim, being invited to the prom as a cruel and practical joke. Sheila wrestled with her conscience, similar to her second-favourite Shakespearean tragedy, Hamlet. When she studied the play, she got annoyed that Hamlet contemplated without making up his mind in exacting revenge against his uncle Claudius for killing his father and then marrying his mother Gertrude a short time thereafter. This led to his downfall. Sheila did not want to think about this offer, she wanted to take a chance. Though she was blissfully unaware at the time, this night would lead to Sheila’s lengthy and impending psychological downfall.
Molly Carter forbade Sheila from going on dates. Molly became ever so cautious of her surroundings since she killed her own husband. It was the best thing that she could ever do for herself, but at the same time, she lived in fear of being discovered. It became difficult for her to trust people, especially her own daughter. Sheila neglected to tell her mother the truth. Sheila wanted to rebel. Internally, she felt trapped like a caged animal wanting to explode, be discovered, and live a normal life. Sheila felt trapped in her romance novels and writing in her diary. She wanted to experience life, and to know the meaning of having an enriched sense of zest and a quest for wisdom and experience, as Eve wanted to know in John Milton’s Paradise Lost. Sheila wanted to get married and have children, a life that her mother dreaded for her due to her own insecurities and her own personal experience with an abusive husband. Most of all, Molly thought that Sheila would never be strong enough to take care of herself should something or someone like her dead husband surface in her life. Fortunately for Sheila, Molly would never know that her daughter possessed her courage to conquer her own demons. Sheila would prove her mother wrong soon enough…
Sheila agreed to meet Jason after school. Jason Worthington had a red Convertible, the kind that was of that year. From the minute that Sheila Carter stepped into his vehicle, she knew something was amiss with her date.
They were driving along the interstate, and suddenly Sheila saw a couple of empty beer bottles underneath the passenger seat. Sheila panicked, and she nervously told Jason that she wanted to be brought home. Nearly colliding with a pick-up truck, Jason stopped and he swerved the car to the right and it crashed into a heavily wooded forest. It was a dark, wooded area and late at night. This was an area that no one had ever been into and very few people had ever seen or been into.
Sheila wondered what had gotten into Jason. He pulled out a gun, and told Sheila to take off her clothes. Sheila tried to escape, but he fired a shot in the air, paralysing her with fear. She proceeded to take off her blouse, and he began fondling her breasts. He decided to take off her clothes instead. The whole time she was screaming, but no one could ever hear her cries of help. She pleaded with him to stop, but he was relentless. The intercourse was successful, but because Jason was drunk, he passed out on the steering wheel. Sheila was traumatized. To her, the rape happened all in an instant. She thought of calling for help, but she didn’t have a mobile phone on her. She had short-term memory loss, and didn’t recall that he had a gun. Sheila wanted to exact her revenge on her assailant, and then the thought of the gun flashed in her mind. She took the weapon from his hand, and he suddenly woke up. He reached over for her, and she anxiously opened fire, a direct hit to his forehead. She blew his brains out execution-style, and he died instantly. Sheila, like Hamlet, didn’t think her plans to their fullest extents. She had to get rid of the corpse, the gun, and the car…
Her location was the one that housed all the components for the perfect crime. Since no one could hear her cries of help, it was therefore assumed that no one could have heard the gun shot. She noticed the Cliffside wasn’t far from the vehicle’s current position. She noticed a box of matches in the front-door compartment, and she took the container of gasoline from the trunk. She poured the gasoline, and started pushing the Convertible to the edge of the Cliffside. Similar to the adrenaline rush that overcame her mother many years ago, the pressure on her person amounted to as close to nothing in humane terms. Before the car tipped the scale of the cliff, she set the car on fire. She then gave it the final push. Jason and the car blew up in mid-air before crashing into the stream leading to the waterfall. She took the gun and placed it in her purse.
Due to the trauma of her recent victimization of another violent perpetrator, she did this without thinking. The sudden rush of adrenaline overcame her again, and she thought to herself that this crime happened in a little known part of town. No one knew that Sheila Carter was the one going out with Jason Worthington; therefore she would not be a suspect. This did little to ease Sheila’s mind.
A couple of days later, Sheila Carter picked up the Genoa City Chronicle from her doorstep. She panicked when she saw the remnants of her crime found by police on the front page of the newspaper. She went in her room and continued with reading the article. It stated that the car was so unbelievably damaged that the tests conducted from the wreckage determining whether or not there was a body inside turned out to be inconclusive. They then determined that this gruesome crime might be a closed case since they couldn’t prove that a crime had been committed. She breathed a sigh of relief, but then she realized that Jason was still missing. For two weeks, Sheila frantically searched for a missing person’s report to come up on the local newscast. To her surprise, everything was fine and therefore, Jason Worthington was still alive. Could it be possible that he had no loved ones in Genoa City? No, that can’t be true!, Sheila thought. Little did she know that Jason Worthington was just an alias. He didn’t even exist. She immediately searched through her yearbooks and looked him up in her classes throughout her 4 years of high school at Walnut Grove Academy. She could not find his name. For a moment, Sheila thought she was really losing her mind. Jason was Mr. Jock of Walnut Grove Academy, or so she fantasized when she would see him in her English class of that year. How could he vanish into thin air? How could he not exist?
She decided to do some investigating, but yet she had it etched in the back of her mind that she must remain inconspicuous. She went into her school’s library and went through all of Genoa City’s current newspapers and found nothing.
It was coming up to the final exam period, and Jason wasn’t among the students showing up to write their finals. It was a critical time after all to be missing his finals just one week before graduation. Another student reported him missing to the principal, and the principal called the police. Jason Worthington was a false identity, so the police never even heard of him. His picture was released as late breaking news on television, but in that time no one came forward to confirm whom he was and if he was indeed missing and/or dead.
After the final exam period, Sheila found out from her eavesdropping that there was speculation that perhaps the missing student’s disappearance and the car found by the waterfall were connected. They found evidence that the car was reported stolen from the local car dealership. The case had to be re-opened but yet, it was shut again. This is what Sheila could not figure out. She knew with absolute certainty what she had done, but the authorities couldn’t piece together the segments that were necessary in order to prove that a crime had been committed. There was no evidence of a body since the convertible was burned to a crisp. The car was stolen, so Jason didn’t even own the car in question. Sheila reasoned that without a body, the police couldn’t prove that a crime was committed. She laughed it off, and torched all of her newspapers. It was a closed case. It seemed that Jason Worthington vanished off the face of this earth, and nobody cared. She instantly thought of her all-time favourite play in the fifth act of Shakespeare’s Macbeth. Macbeth found out that his wife committed suicide and he adopted a fatalistic attitude because of his tragic flaw of vaulting ambition. “She should have died hereafter…/And all our yesterdays have lighted fools/ The way to dusty death.” Sheila was happy and relieved, thinking in her naïveté that she was the smartest person in the world.
Sheila Carter had committed the perfect crime, or so she thought…
I post the next chapter out of hesitation. It was a difficult chapter to compose, and I spent hours working it so it made at least a bit of sense. The reason I wrote this chapter is because the novel is in its beginning stages. I wanted to show why Sheila Carter became the way she is, and why she was so troubled psychologically. It is possible that I will never refer back to this crime she committed because there is still the main story of Scott Grainger and Lauren Fenmore to be written and well thought out. Let me know if you have any ideas as to how this chapter can be re-worked in order for everything to fall into place.
Enjoy!
Love, F.
P.S. Tomorrow (May 1st) is my 22nd birthday!
Chapter 4
The trauma that Sheila Carter exhibited came to a front-burner soap opera storyline when she turned 18. As stated before, Sheila felt isolated from everyone, and her age-mates at school were no exception. That is, until the day before her senior prom.
A young man that was in Sheila’s English class asked her out on a date. Sheila was taken aback by this sudden love interest. All of the girls at Walnut Grove Academy were rich, blonde, and beautiful. Sheila was awkward, had long plain brown hair, and wore braces. Sheila assumed that Jason Worthington was a womanizer and he was known around campus as “Mr. Jock”. There were rumours that he had all the blonde bombshells that were cheerleaders of his football team. He was the all-star quarterback. (Keep in mind that Sheila’s mind was not logical. She assumed all of these things about a guy she never met before until that minute). She made up a story in her head that he was all of these things, just because she found him to be attractive. This was her fantasy when Jason finally introduced himself after knowing her and attending the same school as she did for 4 years. Jason was really a shy young man and frequently kept to himself, quite contrary to how Sheila pictured him. She went by his looks and his looks alone conjured up all the rumours that she “heard”, but only imagined and assumed.
When Jason asked her out on a date, Sheila was a lonely recluse and she kept in mind the high school movies which portrayed the lead character as a victim, being invited to the prom as a cruel and practical joke. Sheila wrestled with her conscience, similar to her second-favourite Shakespearean tragedy, Hamlet. When she studied the play, she got annoyed that Hamlet contemplated without making up his mind in exacting revenge against his uncle Claudius for killing his father and then marrying his mother Gertrude a short time thereafter. This led to his downfall. Sheila did not want to think about this offer, she wanted to take a chance. Though she was blissfully unaware at the time, this night would lead to Sheila’s lengthy and impending psychological downfall.
Molly Carter forbade Sheila from going on dates. Molly became ever so cautious of her surroundings since she killed her own husband. It was the best thing that she could ever do for herself, but at the same time, she lived in fear of being discovered. It became difficult for her to trust people, especially her own daughter. Sheila neglected to tell her mother the truth. Sheila wanted to rebel. Internally, she felt trapped like a caged animal wanting to explode, be discovered, and live a normal life. Sheila felt trapped in her romance novels and writing in her diary. She wanted to experience life, and to know the meaning of having an enriched sense of zest and a quest for wisdom and experience, as Eve wanted to know in John Milton’s Paradise Lost. Sheila wanted to get married and have children, a life that her mother dreaded for her due to her own insecurities and her own personal experience with an abusive husband. Most of all, Molly thought that Sheila would never be strong enough to take care of herself should something or someone like her dead husband surface in her life. Fortunately for Sheila, Molly would never know that her daughter possessed her courage to conquer her own demons. Sheila would prove her mother wrong soon enough…
Sheila agreed to meet Jason after school. Jason Worthington had a red Convertible, the kind that was of that year. From the minute that Sheila Carter stepped into his vehicle, she knew something was amiss with her date.
They were driving along the interstate, and suddenly Sheila saw a couple of empty beer bottles underneath the passenger seat. Sheila panicked, and she nervously told Jason that she wanted to be brought home. Nearly colliding with a pick-up truck, Jason stopped and he swerved the car to the right and it crashed into a heavily wooded forest. It was a dark, wooded area and late at night. This was an area that no one had ever been into and very few people had ever seen or been into.
Sheila wondered what had gotten into Jason. He pulled out a gun, and told Sheila to take off her clothes. Sheila tried to escape, but he fired a shot in the air, paralysing her with fear. She proceeded to take off her blouse, and he began fondling her breasts. He decided to take off her clothes instead. The whole time she was screaming, but no one could ever hear her cries of help. She pleaded with him to stop, but he was relentless. The intercourse was successful, but because Jason was drunk, he passed out on the steering wheel. Sheila was traumatized. To her, the rape happened all in an instant. She thought of calling for help, but she didn’t have a mobile phone on her. She had short-term memory loss, and didn’t recall that he had a gun. Sheila wanted to exact her revenge on her assailant, and then the thought of the gun flashed in her mind. She took the weapon from his hand, and he suddenly woke up. He reached over for her, and she anxiously opened fire, a direct hit to his forehead. She blew his brains out execution-style, and he died instantly. Sheila, like Hamlet, didn’t think her plans to their fullest extents. She had to get rid of the corpse, the gun, and the car…
Her location was the one that housed all the components for the perfect crime. Since no one could hear her cries of help, it was therefore assumed that no one could have heard the gun shot. She noticed the Cliffside wasn’t far from the vehicle’s current position. She noticed a box of matches in the front-door compartment, and she took the container of gasoline from the trunk. She poured the gasoline, and started pushing the Convertible to the edge of the Cliffside. Similar to the adrenaline rush that overcame her mother many years ago, the pressure on her person amounted to as close to nothing in humane terms. Before the car tipped the scale of the cliff, she set the car on fire. She then gave it the final push. Jason and the car blew up in mid-air before crashing into the stream leading to the waterfall. She took the gun and placed it in her purse.
Due to the trauma of her recent victimization of another violent perpetrator, she did this without thinking. The sudden rush of adrenaline overcame her again, and she thought to herself that this crime happened in a little known part of town. No one knew that Sheila Carter was the one going out with Jason Worthington; therefore she would not be a suspect. This did little to ease Sheila’s mind.
A couple of days later, Sheila Carter picked up the Genoa City Chronicle from her doorstep. She panicked when she saw the remnants of her crime found by police on the front page of the newspaper. She went in her room and continued with reading the article. It stated that the car was so unbelievably damaged that the tests conducted from the wreckage determining whether or not there was a body inside turned out to be inconclusive. They then determined that this gruesome crime might be a closed case since they couldn’t prove that a crime had been committed. She breathed a sigh of relief, but then she realized that Jason was still missing. For two weeks, Sheila frantically searched for a missing person’s report to come up on the local newscast. To her surprise, everything was fine and therefore, Jason Worthington was still alive. Could it be possible that he had no loved ones in Genoa City? No, that can’t be true!, Sheila thought. Little did she know that Jason Worthington was just an alias. He didn’t even exist. She immediately searched through her yearbooks and looked him up in her classes throughout her 4 years of high school at Walnut Grove Academy. She could not find his name. For a moment, Sheila thought she was really losing her mind. Jason was Mr. Jock of Walnut Grove Academy, or so she fantasized when she would see him in her English class of that year. How could he vanish into thin air? How could he not exist?
She decided to do some investigating, but yet she had it etched in the back of her mind that she must remain inconspicuous. She went into her school’s library and went through all of Genoa City’s current newspapers and found nothing.
It was coming up to the final exam period, and Jason wasn’t among the students showing up to write their finals. It was a critical time after all to be missing his finals just one week before graduation. Another student reported him missing to the principal, and the principal called the police. Jason Worthington was a false identity, so the police never even heard of him. His picture was released as late breaking news on television, but in that time no one came forward to confirm whom he was and if he was indeed missing and/or dead.
After the final exam period, Sheila found out from her eavesdropping that there was speculation that perhaps the missing student’s disappearance and the car found by the waterfall were connected. They found evidence that the car was reported stolen from the local car dealership. The case had to be re-opened but yet, it was shut again. This is what Sheila could not figure out. She knew with absolute certainty what she had done, but the authorities couldn’t piece together the segments that were necessary in order to prove that a crime had been committed. There was no evidence of a body since the convertible was burned to a crisp. The car was stolen, so Jason didn’t even own the car in question. Sheila reasoned that without a body, the police couldn’t prove that a crime was committed. She laughed it off, and torched all of her newspapers. It was a closed case. It seemed that Jason Worthington vanished off the face of this earth, and nobody cared. She instantly thought of her all-time favourite play in the fifth act of Shakespeare’s Macbeth. Macbeth found out that his wife committed suicide and he adopted a fatalistic attitude because of his tragic flaw of vaulting ambition. “She should have died hereafter…/And all our yesterdays have lighted fools/ The way to dusty death.” Sheila was happy and relieved, thinking in her naïveté that she was the smartest person in the world.
Sheila Carter had committed the perfect crime, or so she thought…
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Chapter 3
Chapter 3
The moment Sheila Carter was waiting for. Someone knocked at her door. She opened it, and it was Scott Grainger. Scott swept her off her feet and kissed her passionately. He told her he realized that as soon as he met her, he knew he was making a mistake staying with Lauren Fenmore. He whispered in her ear, “You’re the one I love. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Sheila was elated, and their passion led to the bedroom. Suddenly, the phone interrupted their lovemaking. The phone rang a second time, a third time…
She woke up alone. It was just a dream. The phone rang a fifth time. She reluctantly answered it. It was her cousin, Lauren Fenmore calling. An upbeat Lauren said “Hey cuz. How are you this morning?”. Sheila said, “I’m just fine Lauren. How are you?” in a sarcastic tone. Sheila stopped her sarcasm and remembered her solemn vow that in order to get close to Scott, she must be nice to her “cuz” and pretend to like her. Sheila made a remarkable comeback, “I’m so sorry Lauren. I really didn’t mean to be rude. I just woke up, and I often am moody early in the morning after a sleepless night.” Thinking about your fiancé, Sheila thought to herself. Lauren said: “Oh Sheila, I’m so sorry for waking you. Say, do you want to come over to my house for coffee? I want us to get close, Sheila. We are cousins after all. Besides, it will be so much fun getting to know each other, especially since we were kept apart for all these years.” Sheila decided to be as upbeat as her eccentric cousin was being: “Sure Lauren. I’ll see you at 11?”. Lauren said, “Perfect! See you then. Bye love!”. Sheila just let go of the receiver.
Sheila drove to Lauren’s, and she talked to herself. She intended to keep an open mind, to try to have a good time at Lauren’s place. Besides, what made her feel 100% better is the opportunity she could undertake should Scott would be there…
When Sheila arrived at Lauren’s house, her romantic rival welcomed her into her house. Coffee was on, and Lauren told Sheila to make herself at home. Just like that, Sheila saw something that made her sick to her stomach: a picture of Scott and Lauren on the wall unit of Lauren’s living room. Sheila abruptly excused herself, and vomited in the washroom. Her nausea was replaced with complete and utter rage. She knew now more than ever that she had to steal Scott away from Lauren. Sheila possessed a clever wit, and had abilities to think her strategies to the fullest extent before proceeding with it. She then told herself that she must remain calm, cool, and collected in order to win Scott and get him out of Lauren’s clutches. The first thing that had to be done: win Lauren’s implicit trust. When Sheila emerged from the lavatory, she had a huge smile on her face, however artificial it was.
Sheila and Lauren had a marvellous time. Sheila really brought new meaning to the expression “showtime”. The marvel of their second meeting was about to get even more interesting. As Sheila went out the door, she ran into Scott Grainger. This time, it was for real.
Lauren was so happy to see her fiancé. She flew right into his arms and they started kissing. Sheila was about to cry, and she was pea green with envy. Scott witnessed the painful look on Sheila’s face, and he took pity on her. The woman he danced with not too long ago, the one who stole his heart. Sheila said she wasn’t feeling well, so she had to go. As Sheila was walking back to her car, she wiped the artificial tears from her eyes and did something desperate, drastic, and utterly thoughtless according to her intellectual faculties. She took her pocketknife from her purse and slashed her own tires. She started cursing out loud, to get Scott’s attention and to momentarily keep him away from Lauren so she can make her seductive move.
Scott and Lauren heard her, and rushed out in the rain to help Sheila. Lauren called the car insurance company to have the car towed away since the damage Sheila inflicted was extensive. Lauren asked Scott to drive Sheila home, and they both were reluctant, but Lauren insisted. Scott promised his fiancée he would be back soon. YES, Sheila exclaimed in her diabolical frame of mind.
The lift was silent at first, but Scott broke the ice:
“Sheila, I’m sorry about that night at the party. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”
“It’s okay, really.”
“No, it’s not. I’m engaged and I should be happy with Lauren, but I’m not.”
“Why aren’t you happy with my cousin, Scott?”
“Because I don’t love her. I’ve known Lauren Fenmore all my life, and I don’t even know why we’re getting married.”
Sheila got a sick enjoyment out of this. “Is there someone else, Scott?”
“Somewhat”.
“What does that mean, Scott?”
“A couple of weeks ago, I met someone else at a party, and I was strongly attracted to her.”
“Really?! Who was it?”
“You, Sheila. You are the one I want to be with.”
“It’s funny because I feel the same way about you, Scott. I can give you more love than Lauren ever could.”
Scott then leaned over, and they shared a passionate kiss. They kept making out with little hesitation from Scott, who seemed to forget about his commitment to Lauren. As Scott began fondling her breasts, she told him to stop. He wouldn’t listen, and she slapped him and yelled “STOP!”. She began thinking about what happened 2 years ago, when she was raped. This wasn’t the moment Sheila Carter had been waiting for. She quickly realized that she wasn’t ready for this stage, yet…
The moment Sheila Carter was waiting for. Someone knocked at her door. She opened it, and it was Scott Grainger. Scott swept her off her feet and kissed her passionately. He told her he realized that as soon as he met her, he knew he was making a mistake staying with Lauren Fenmore. He whispered in her ear, “You’re the one I love. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Sheila was elated, and their passion led to the bedroom. Suddenly, the phone interrupted their lovemaking. The phone rang a second time, a third time…
She woke up alone. It was just a dream. The phone rang a fifth time. She reluctantly answered it. It was her cousin, Lauren Fenmore calling. An upbeat Lauren said “Hey cuz. How are you this morning?”. Sheila said, “I’m just fine Lauren. How are you?” in a sarcastic tone. Sheila stopped her sarcasm and remembered her solemn vow that in order to get close to Scott, she must be nice to her “cuz” and pretend to like her. Sheila made a remarkable comeback, “I’m so sorry Lauren. I really didn’t mean to be rude. I just woke up, and I often am moody early in the morning after a sleepless night.” Thinking about your fiancé, Sheila thought to herself. Lauren said: “Oh Sheila, I’m so sorry for waking you. Say, do you want to come over to my house for coffee? I want us to get close, Sheila. We are cousins after all. Besides, it will be so much fun getting to know each other, especially since we were kept apart for all these years.” Sheila decided to be as upbeat as her eccentric cousin was being: “Sure Lauren. I’ll see you at 11?”. Lauren said, “Perfect! See you then. Bye love!”. Sheila just let go of the receiver.
Sheila drove to Lauren’s, and she talked to herself. She intended to keep an open mind, to try to have a good time at Lauren’s place. Besides, what made her feel 100% better is the opportunity she could undertake should Scott would be there…
When Sheila arrived at Lauren’s house, her romantic rival welcomed her into her house. Coffee was on, and Lauren told Sheila to make herself at home. Just like that, Sheila saw something that made her sick to her stomach: a picture of Scott and Lauren on the wall unit of Lauren’s living room. Sheila abruptly excused herself, and vomited in the washroom. Her nausea was replaced with complete and utter rage. She knew now more than ever that she had to steal Scott away from Lauren. Sheila possessed a clever wit, and had abilities to think her strategies to the fullest extent before proceeding with it. She then told herself that she must remain calm, cool, and collected in order to win Scott and get him out of Lauren’s clutches. The first thing that had to be done: win Lauren’s implicit trust. When Sheila emerged from the lavatory, she had a huge smile on her face, however artificial it was.
Sheila and Lauren had a marvellous time. Sheila really brought new meaning to the expression “showtime”. The marvel of their second meeting was about to get even more interesting. As Sheila went out the door, she ran into Scott Grainger. This time, it was for real.
Lauren was so happy to see her fiancé. She flew right into his arms and they started kissing. Sheila was about to cry, and she was pea green with envy. Scott witnessed the painful look on Sheila’s face, and he took pity on her. The woman he danced with not too long ago, the one who stole his heart. Sheila said she wasn’t feeling well, so she had to go. As Sheila was walking back to her car, she wiped the artificial tears from her eyes and did something desperate, drastic, and utterly thoughtless according to her intellectual faculties. She took her pocketknife from her purse and slashed her own tires. She started cursing out loud, to get Scott’s attention and to momentarily keep him away from Lauren so she can make her seductive move.
Scott and Lauren heard her, and rushed out in the rain to help Sheila. Lauren called the car insurance company to have the car towed away since the damage Sheila inflicted was extensive. Lauren asked Scott to drive Sheila home, and they both were reluctant, but Lauren insisted. Scott promised his fiancée he would be back soon. YES, Sheila exclaimed in her diabolical frame of mind.
The lift was silent at first, but Scott broke the ice:
“Sheila, I’m sorry about that night at the party. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”
“It’s okay, really.”
“No, it’s not. I’m engaged and I should be happy with Lauren, but I’m not.”
“Why aren’t you happy with my cousin, Scott?”
“Because I don’t love her. I’ve known Lauren Fenmore all my life, and I don’t even know why we’re getting married.”
Sheila got a sick enjoyment out of this. “Is there someone else, Scott?”
“Somewhat”.
“What does that mean, Scott?”
“A couple of weeks ago, I met someone else at a party, and I was strongly attracted to her.”
“Really?! Who was it?”
“You, Sheila. You are the one I want to be with.”
“It’s funny because I feel the same way about you, Scott. I can give you more love than Lauren ever could.”
Scott then leaned over, and they shared a passionate kiss. They kept making out with little hesitation from Scott, who seemed to forget about his commitment to Lauren. As Scott began fondling her breasts, she told him to stop. He wouldn’t listen, and she slapped him and yelled “STOP!”. She began thinking about what happened 2 years ago, when she was raped. This wasn’t the moment Sheila Carter had been waiting for. She quickly realized that she wasn’t ready for this stage, yet…
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Chapter 2
Chapter 2
The next morning, Molly Carter saw her daughter Sheila, smiling. It was the first time in 2 years that her daughter had that twinkle in her eye, the one that screamed the word “love”.
Sheila was depressed for most of her life. Her father abandoned her when she was quite young. It was considered foul play when Molly reported his disappearance to the police. Not a body was found, and since the Carter family was poor, they did not have sufficient resources to track Adam down. Sheila was relieved to find out her father may never return home. This was a story her mother Molly concocted to protect her daughter, and herself.
Adam Carter owned a funeral parlour in downtown Genoa City. He was always at work, and would often come home drunk. When he returned home, he would pick fights with his wife, and beat her with his belt. Sheila was so terrified of her father’s wrath, and became worried that he would eventually turn on her. She would see horror movies, which portrayed child abuse to its core. This only added to her fear and insecurities. She severely doubted her father’s love, and became increasingly worried about her mother.
However, Sheila never knew the psychological damage that her mother endured at the hands of her tyrannical father. She was also unaware of how her father “disappeared”.
One night, something happened that would change Molly Carter’s life forever. Adam came home from another one of his drinking binges, and he saw that the house was a mess. The dishes weren’t washed, the beds weren’t made, and Sheila left her crayons on the coffee table. He was furious, and he told Molly: “How could you let this happen? You are supposed to maintain this house while I’m at work bringing home an income to support my family! You are the laziest bitch that I’ve ever met!”. Molly tried explaining herself, but Adam said: “You know what this means, don’t you?”. She begged him not to take his belt out, but he exclaimed, “I have no choice, dear. You disobeyed me, and now you must be punished.” He got his belt and whipped her until she was bleeding. She pleaded with him to stop, but he just kept going. He finally stopped when he passed out on the living room sofa.
Molly sobbed like she never had before. She was in agonizing pain, but the red on her shoulders and back made her see the colour red. She became angry and filled with rage. She crawled into the kitchen, and got a butcher knife. Her rage gave her the strength and courage for what she was about to do. Her rage gave her the strength to stand up again. Adam awoke from his slumber, and found that Molly was not on the floor as he left her, brutally beaten. Suddenly, she ran towards him screaming and plunged the knife right through his heart from his backside. He fell over on the couch, and as he died he had the shocked look on his face.
Molly Carter couldn’t believe what she had done. Since it was dark, she had to find a way to get rid of the body. Otherwise, she would be charged with murder. She dragged the corpse to the garage, grabbed his car keys from his pant pocket, and put it in his trunk of his vehicle.
She nervously put the key into the ignition, and drove for three hours in a frantic search for the perfect place to hide his body where no one can ever find it. She had to be smart and to get creative. It finally occurred to her: the perfect place to get rid of his body.
She drove and parked the car in his place of work. Because it was the night and everyone had gone home, she went into the funeral parlour dragging the heavy corpse. She went into a dark room, one that only Adam had access to. A room that was filled with secrets, and no one except Adam left that room alive. Until tonight… in an ironic twist of fate.
The room had an unusually warm temperature and was very humid. It was the perfect place to hide evidence. She put the body into a plain, unfurnished pine box and set it on the conveyor belt. The slide opened, and it was fire. Molly Carter had an evil and twisted smile on her face, and thought to herself, “Flames to dust.” “He had it coming”, she reasoned. As the burning flames incinerated the remains of Adam Carter, the most disgusting human being that Molly mistakenly agreed to marry at the age of 16, she thought for a moment that it was beneficial and ironic that she married a man who owned a funeral parlour. He cremated people every day, and now he was the one being cremated, with use of his own devices. After her deed was done, Molly washed the blood off her hands and mopped the floor with a remarkable cleaning solvent.
Molly returned from the past after she saw the smile on her daughter’s face. Behind Sheila, Molly saw the only remnant of her crime: a blood stain on the couch that she tried desperately to get rid of. Sheila saw her mother staring at her, and asked her why she was staring. Molly said, “It’s just a joy to me to see my daughter smile after years of sadness and heartbreak. That’s all, sweetheart.” Sheila smiled, and she told her mother about Scott, though she didn’t mention his name. “He’s the most wonderful guy, Mom. It’s the love that you feel instantly, but I’m just afraid that something will happen to make me hate him. Do you know what I mean, Mom?”. Molly knew exactly what she meant. That is the exact emotion she felt when she killed her husband. To which Molly replied, “I know the feeling. Believe me, I do.” Molly then replied, “You must fight for what you want, my dear. Your problems aren’t going to subside if you don’t take action. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you.” Sheila immediately thought of Lauren, and she said, “Believe me, Mom. I won’t.” Sheila was a victim as well, and she harboured a deadly secret of her own. She loved Scott, and she was not about to let the past take over her life. She recited the lines in her head: “Don’t let anything or anyone stop you.”
The next morning, Molly Carter saw her daughter Sheila, smiling. It was the first time in 2 years that her daughter had that twinkle in her eye, the one that screamed the word “love”.
Sheila was depressed for most of her life. Her father abandoned her when she was quite young. It was considered foul play when Molly reported his disappearance to the police. Not a body was found, and since the Carter family was poor, they did not have sufficient resources to track Adam down. Sheila was relieved to find out her father may never return home. This was a story her mother Molly concocted to protect her daughter, and herself.
Adam Carter owned a funeral parlour in downtown Genoa City. He was always at work, and would often come home drunk. When he returned home, he would pick fights with his wife, and beat her with his belt. Sheila was so terrified of her father’s wrath, and became worried that he would eventually turn on her. She would see horror movies, which portrayed child abuse to its core. This only added to her fear and insecurities. She severely doubted her father’s love, and became increasingly worried about her mother.
However, Sheila never knew the psychological damage that her mother endured at the hands of her tyrannical father. She was also unaware of how her father “disappeared”.
One night, something happened that would change Molly Carter’s life forever. Adam came home from another one of his drinking binges, and he saw that the house was a mess. The dishes weren’t washed, the beds weren’t made, and Sheila left her crayons on the coffee table. He was furious, and he told Molly: “How could you let this happen? You are supposed to maintain this house while I’m at work bringing home an income to support my family! You are the laziest bitch that I’ve ever met!”. Molly tried explaining herself, but Adam said: “You know what this means, don’t you?”. She begged him not to take his belt out, but he exclaimed, “I have no choice, dear. You disobeyed me, and now you must be punished.” He got his belt and whipped her until she was bleeding. She pleaded with him to stop, but he just kept going. He finally stopped when he passed out on the living room sofa.
Molly sobbed like she never had before. She was in agonizing pain, but the red on her shoulders and back made her see the colour red. She became angry and filled with rage. She crawled into the kitchen, and got a butcher knife. Her rage gave her the strength and courage for what she was about to do. Her rage gave her the strength to stand up again. Adam awoke from his slumber, and found that Molly was not on the floor as he left her, brutally beaten. Suddenly, she ran towards him screaming and plunged the knife right through his heart from his backside. He fell over on the couch, and as he died he had the shocked look on his face.
Molly Carter couldn’t believe what she had done. Since it was dark, she had to find a way to get rid of the body. Otherwise, she would be charged with murder. She dragged the corpse to the garage, grabbed his car keys from his pant pocket, and put it in his trunk of his vehicle.
She nervously put the key into the ignition, and drove for three hours in a frantic search for the perfect place to hide his body where no one can ever find it. She had to be smart and to get creative. It finally occurred to her: the perfect place to get rid of his body.
She drove and parked the car in his place of work. Because it was the night and everyone had gone home, she went into the funeral parlour dragging the heavy corpse. She went into a dark room, one that only Adam had access to. A room that was filled with secrets, and no one except Adam left that room alive. Until tonight… in an ironic twist of fate.
The room had an unusually warm temperature and was very humid. It was the perfect place to hide evidence. She put the body into a plain, unfurnished pine box and set it on the conveyor belt. The slide opened, and it was fire. Molly Carter had an evil and twisted smile on her face, and thought to herself, “Flames to dust.” “He had it coming”, she reasoned. As the burning flames incinerated the remains of Adam Carter, the most disgusting human being that Molly mistakenly agreed to marry at the age of 16, she thought for a moment that it was beneficial and ironic that she married a man who owned a funeral parlour. He cremated people every day, and now he was the one being cremated, with use of his own devices. After her deed was done, Molly washed the blood off her hands and mopped the floor with a remarkable cleaning solvent.
Molly returned from the past after she saw the smile on her daughter’s face. Behind Sheila, Molly saw the only remnant of her crime: a blood stain on the couch that she tried desperately to get rid of. Sheila saw her mother staring at her, and asked her why she was staring. Molly said, “It’s just a joy to me to see my daughter smile after years of sadness and heartbreak. That’s all, sweetheart.” Sheila smiled, and she told her mother about Scott, though she didn’t mention his name. “He’s the most wonderful guy, Mom. It’s the love that you feel instantly, but I’m just afraid that something will happen to make me hate him. Do you know what I mean, Mom?”. Molly knew exactly what she meant. That is the exact emotion she felt when she killed her husband. To which Molly replied, “I know the feeling. Believe me, I do.” Molly then replied, “You must fight for what you want, my dear. Your problems aren’t going to subside if you don’t take action. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you.” Sheila immediately thought of Lauren, and she said, “Believe me, Mom. I won’t.” Sheila was a victim as well, and she harboured a deadly secret of her own. She loved Scott, and she was not about to let the past take over her life. She recited the lines in her head: “Don’t let anything or anyone stop you.”
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Stolen Hearts and Damaged Souls: Chapter One
Hello everyone,
This is my story, the story of Sheila Carter. At some point, I may ask the audience to help me out with this story if I ever get writer's block. For this moment, I have a lot of ideas I'm brainstorming to make this the perfect psychopath story ever. Here is Chapter One of my story. Maybe one day it will be a bestseller novel.
Enjoy, F.
Chapter 1
A lonely girl by the age of 20 was standing in the middle of a crowded banquet hall. The room was filled with rowdy teenagers, equally rowdy adults getting drunk from bottles of whiskey and rum with rap music and classical music coming together in the background. It wasn’t a pretty picture, not what the girl was used to at all.
Her name was Sheila Carter. This birthday celebration was for her great-aunt who just turned 90. She hardly knew Joanna Manning. She was in her last year of university, just finishing up her BA degree in English literature and linguistics. Sheila lived a very solitary life and felt like an outcast from her schoolmates. Sadly for her, she felt disconnected from her family. However, she loved all of them with every fibre of her being. She had an incredible void in her life and in her heart, and the loneliness she exhibited had driven her to the cold despair of suicide. Though she didn’t know it at the time, all of that was about to change when a handsome guy said: “Excuse me.”
Sheila turned around, and she saw and felt a sensation that she never thought she would ever feel again. She didn’t want the moment to end. She read about transcendentalism in her 19th century American Literature course the previous year, and she was tired of hearing the word. She felt transcended, as if psychologically, she had an out-of-body experience. She didn’t want the moment to end. In her mind, it would be similar to saying goodbye. She didn’t realize that this would be her chance at happiness.
She seemed unmoved as he politely excused himself. In a matter of seconds, she had an idea: “Get to know this cute guy. You never know”. Her grandmother, who was always a source of inspiration to her, used the “You never know” phrase when she was a child of 10. This inspiration was put to the test. It was time to apply what her grandmother taught her.
Sheila grabbed a glass of red wine, and intentionally collided into the guy she was entranced by, in turn, spilling all the red wine on his pink dress shirt. Sheila quickly apologized, and he said that accidents would happen. To Scott Grainger’s way of thinking, everything happened for a reason.
Scott was a little tipsy after drinking a bottle of vermouth after an elaborate dinner celebration. He saw Sheila Carter, and he was amazed at Sheila’s femininity, innocence, and beauty. Scott appreciated those qualities in a young woman. Suddenly, all of the ghastly background commotion ceased, and the rowdiness came to a screeching halt. Instead, “Save the Best for Last” by Vanessa Williams came on, and the lights dimmed. Sheila hoped that Scott would ask her to dance and luckily for her, he did. Sheila said that she didn’t know how to dance, and all he said was: “Don’t worry. Just follow my lead.”
As Scott and Sheila joined hands, there was an instant attraction to Scott’s tenderness. She was thrilled that she may have found the man of her dreams. As they were dancing, they finally introduced themselves. Scott said that she was an incredible dancer and that Sheila’s eyes twinkled as if they were evening stars in a midnight sky. At the end of the song, they were about to kiss. For Sheila, she always craved the tenderness of a passionate kiss that she saw in the movies she watched time and time again. He stopped himself. He said, “I can’t do this. I just can’t.” He then walked away from the spotlight. Sheila was heartbroken. She felt rejected and undesirable.
When the family returned to the Manning residence two hours later, Sheila met her cousin for the first time in their adult lives. Her name was Lauren Fenmore. From the time their eyes met, Sheila studied her sophisticated beauty and the graceful elegance she possessed. All of the men adored her. Unlike Sheila, Lauren’s life was a perfect one. She lived with her parents who seemed to have the perfect marriage and a beautifully kept 3-storey house. Lauren excelled in school and she had many boyfriends in her young life. Needless to say, Sheila’s life paled in comparison. Lauren gave Sheila a warm hug and welcomed her into her lovely home. Though she knew Lauren for a short time, Sheila wanted to be her best friend. That is until a meeting that was about to take place would change the girls’ lives forever.
Lauren told Sheila she wanted to introduce her to her fiancé. No one was more surprised when Lauren’s fiancé turned out to be Scott, the man Sheila danced with two hours ago. Sheila acted as if she never knew him and that their emotional connection on the dance floor was a distant memory. Inwardly, Sheila was screaming. Sheila left the after-party abruptly, and as she was driving home, she started crying. Her mind was filled with rage at her cousin who stole what she thought was her last chance at happiness and normalcy. She vowed that she would do anything in her power to make Scott hers. She stopped weeping, and she arrived back home. Before she entered, she had a daydream that she was bringing Scott home to Christmas dinner. In her fantasy, she told him that their life is perfect and she wouldn’t have it any other way. They were about to kiss, but he disappeared. She saw Lauren and Lauren was laughing at her, tauntingly telling her that Scott could never love a freak of nature like her. She instantly hated Lauren, but she reasoned that she must pretend to be Lauren’s loyal cousin and best friend in order to get everything that she wanted. “It’s the only way Scott and I can get close, the only way.”, Sheila imagined. She opened the door with confidence that she will conquer her demons and make Scott love her. First, she needed help, but from an unlikely source.
This is my story, the story of Sheila Carter. At some point, I may ask the audience to help me out with this story if I ever get writer's block. For this moment, I have a lot of ideas I'm brainstorming to make this the perfect psychopath story ever. Here is Chapter One of my story. Maybe one day it will be a bestseller novel.
Enjoy, F.
Chapter 1
A lonely girl by the age of 20 was standing in the middle of a crowded banquet hall. The room was filled with rowdy teenagers, equally rowdy adults getting drunk from bottles of whiskey and rum with rap music and classical music coming together in the background. It wasn’t a pretty picture, not what the girl was used to at all.
Her name was Sheila Carter. This birthday celebration was for her great-aunt who just turned 90. She hardly knew Joanna Manning. She was in her last year of university, just finishing up her BA degree in English literature and linguistics. Sheila lived a very solitary life and felt like an outcast from her schoolmates. Sadly for her, she felt disconnected from her family. However, she loved all of them with every fibre of her being. She had an incredible void in her life and in her heart, and the loneliness she exhibited had driven her to the cold despair of suicide. Though she didn’t know it at the time, all of that was about to change when a handsome guy said: “Excuse me.”
Sheila turned around, and she saw and felt a sensation that she never thought she would ever feel again. She didn’t want the moment to end. She read about transcendentalism in her 19th century American Literature course the previous year, and she was tired of hearing the word. She felt transcended, as if psychologically, she had an out-of-body experience. She didn’t want the moment to end. In her mind, it would be similar to saying goodbye. She didn’t realize that this would be her chance at happiness.
She seemed unmoved as he politely excused himself. In a matter of seconds, she had an idea: “Get to know this cute guy. You never know”. Her grandmother, who was always a source of inspiration to her, used the “You never know” phrase when she was a child of 10. This inspiration was put to the test. It was time to apply what her grandmother taught her.
Sheila grabbed a glass of red wine, and intentionally collided into the guy she was entranced by, in turn, spilling all the red wine on his pink dress shirt. Sheila quickly apologized, and he said that accidents would happen. To Scott Grainger’s way of thinking, everything happened for a reason.
Scott was a little tipsy after drinking a bottle of vermouth after an elaborate dinner celebration. He saw Sheila Carter, and he was amazed at Sheila’s femininity, innocence, and beauty. Scott appreciated those qualities in a young woman. Suddenly, all of the ghastly background commotion ceased, and the rowdiness came to a screeching halt. Instead, “Save the Best for Last” by Vanessa Williams came on, and the lights dimmed. Sheila hoped that Scott would ask her to dance and luckily for her, he did. Sheila said that she didn’t know how to dance, and all he said was: “Don’t worry. Just follow my lead.”
As Scott and Sheila joined hands, there was an instant attraction to Scott’s tenderness. She was thrilled that she may have found the man of her dreams. As they were dancing, they finally introduced themselves. Scott said that she was an incredible dancer and that Sheila’s eyes twinkled as if they were evening stars in a midnight sky. At the end of the song, they were about to kiss. For Sheila, she always craved the tenderness of a passionate kiss that she saw in the movies she watched time and time again. He stopped himself. He said, “I can’t do this. I just can’t.” He then walked away from the spotlight. Sheila was heartbroken. She felt rejected and undesirable.
When the family returned to the Manning residence two hours later, Sheila met her cousin for the first time in their adult lives. Her name was Lauren Fenmore. From the time their eyes met, Sheila studied her sophisticated beauty and the graceful elegance she possessed. All of the men adored her. Unlike Sheila, Lauren’s life was a perfect one. She lived with her parents who seemed to have the perfect marriage and a beautifully kept 3-storey house. Lauren excelled in school and she had many boyfriends in her young life. Needless to say, Sheila’s life paled in comparison. Lauren gave Sheila a warm hug and welcomed her into her lovely home. Though she knew Lauren for a short time, Sheila wanted to be her best friend. That is until a meeting that was about to take place would change the girls’ lives forever.
Lauren told Sheila she wanted to introduce her to her fiancé. No one was more surprised when Lauren’s fiancé turned out to be Scott, the man Sheila danced with two hours ago. Sheila acted as if she never knew him and that their emotional connection on the dance floor was a distant memory. Inwardly, Sheila was screaming. Sheila left the after-party abruptly, and as she was driving home, she started crying. Her mind was filled with rage at her cousin who stole what she thought was her last chance at happiness and normalcy. She vowed that she would do anything in her power to make Scott hers. She stopped weeping, and she arrived back home. Before she entered, she had a daydream that she was bringing Scott home to Christmas dinner. In her fantasy, she told him that their life is perfect and she wouldn’t have it any other way. They were about to kiss, but he disappeared. She saw Lauren and Lauren was laughing at her, tauntingly telling her that Scott could never love a freak of nature like her. She instantly hated Lauren, but she reasoned that she must pretend to be Lauren’s loyal cousin and best friend in order to get everything that she wanted. “It’s the only way Scott and I can get close, the only way.”, Sheila imagined. She opened the door with confidence that she will conquer her demons and make Scott love her. First, she needed help, but from an unlikely source.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Sheila Carter: My Muse
Hello everyone,
My story will revolve around Sheila Carter, a character on the Young and the Restless from 1990-1993, then crossed over to the Bold and the Beautiful from that year until 1998, then returned to Bold in 2002 and 2003. In 2005, Sheila (portrayed by compelling actress Kimberlin Brown) returned to her roots in Y&R and left mysteriously and ambiguously in early 2006. As it turns out, Sheila went to a brilliant plastic surgeon and got a new face, that of Phyllis Newman (portrayed by Emmy-award winning actress Michelle Stafford). She was killed in early 2007.
Sheila Carter was a complete psychopath, and as Stephanie Forrester correctly observed in 2003, she was the devil. In 1990, Sheila Carter was a nurse in Genoa City who worked too closely with Dr. Scott Grainger, who was married to Lauren Fenmore at the time. Lauren was pregnant, and Sheila tricked Scott into bed with her and became pregnant herself. Unbeknowst to all, Sheila miscarried but fooled Scott into marrying her and faked her pregnancy. Lauren and Sheila were due around the same time, but Sheila got a baby from the black market and switched Lauren's baby and posed Lauren's son as hers. She lived a life with Scott and baby Scotty for about two years until she was discovered. Sheila's mother, Molly, knew the truth but had a stroke which rendered her speechless. Sheila put her in a convalescent home, and hired nurses to keep an eye on her. When Sheila's secrets spilled out, she kidnapped Lauren and her mother and took them into a barnhouse and set it on fire. Both women managed to survive, but Sheila was on the loose.
I'm going to attach a link to Sheila Carter's thick file of crimes she committed to her dying day: http://soapcentral.com/yr/whoswho/sheila.php.
Thepicture of Phyllis Newman (the way Sheila looked when she was killed) and the original Sheila Carter (before the botched operation) below the first picture.
Enjoy and I already have the first chapter. Please be aware that although the 17-year storyline of Sheila Carter was overwhelmingly well-written and conceptualized, it will not be a part of my story. My Sheila is a psychopath, but in the initial chapters, you will surmise that Sheila was a victim and you will begin to empathize with her.
Until then, take care!
Love, F.
Friday, April 20, 2007
No more poetry, at least for now!
Hello! I just wanted to apologize for not posting any new poems since Feb. 25th. I've been really busy with school, exams, and I've just been accepted into Humber's Teaching ESL program:) Furthermore, I also have writer's block when it comes to poems. I wrote a poem about my Renaissance Lit exam which I aced (yay!) but it sucked. I may start off with a story, a juicy story involving a psychopath in the days ahead. Sheila Carter from the Y&R is a huge inspiration for a deadly villain, but I want to make sure that I have my own story. I'm done school for now, but I have summer school from May 7th until June 18th:( I do graduate in the fall, and I'm really excited. Until I have a story, I will post it in segments to keep up the suspense of a soap opera.
Take care!
Love, F.
Take care!
Love, F.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Secretly
Before I write my next poem, I just want to hand it to Melissa for designing this blog and for giving me such wonderful advice about my poetry. From now on, I will decide to try to write "in the moment" poems.
Secretly
I'm wanting you
If you ever meet me
I'm hoping you want me too.
I noticed you from across the room
At my friend's party
Avoiding your beautiful gaze
Is very hard because it's so hearty.
Hark!
They're starting to play my favourite song!
Will something happen for me finally?
I've waited so long.
You asked me to dance
Gone were the heartbreaks of the past
You went and,
Saved the best for last.
We were moving
We were face-to-face
It's as if we were the only ones
Dancing in this place.
The end of the song is near
As we were in the abyss
When you leaned over
And gave me my first kiss.
When you kiss, it's magical
Especially after you dance,
It's as if this was a turning point in my life
I'm absolutely going to take this chance!!!
Secretly
I'm wanting you
If you ever meet me
I'm hoping you want me too.
I noticed you from across the room
At my friend's party
Avoiding your beautiful gaze
Is very hard because it's so hearty.
Hark!
They're starting to play my favourite song!
Will something happen for me finally?
I've waited so long.
You asked me to dance
Gone were the heartbreaks of the past
You went and,
Saved the best for last.
We were moving
We were face-to-face
It's as if we were the only ones
Dancing in this place.
The end of the song is near
As we were in the abyss
When you leaned over
And gave me my first kiss.
When you kiss, it's magical
Especially after you dance,
It's as if this was a turning point in my life
I'm absolutely going to take this chance!!!
Saturday, February 24, 2007
The Love of my Life
Last night I had a dream
It cut like a knife
It affected it so much
It was about the love of my life!
The man will remain a mystery
To everyone, including you!
He's someone I wanted to give
My whole heart to.
The man came at a time
When I needed him the most
When I met him
I learned he was from another coast.
He liked the same guy I did on Desperate Housewives
And he called me "Dude"
When I talked to him
He got me in the "mood".
We were so much alike
We shared our hardships
We talked for hours
We formed a friendship.
When I wasn't with him
During the night or during the day
I felt thin, hot, and sexy
If I daresay!
He started being controlling
I couldn't talk with another guy
So I decided
It was time to say goodbye.
A few weeks had come and passed
I had nothing to gain
To stay mad at people I can't do
I started up with him again.
We would always joke around
About guys we thought were hot
When I needed him the most
There he was not.
I told him about my cousin
The one that got married
He said if he was bi, would I go after him
I thought away he had carried.
Just before Christmas 2005
Something happened to undo the lace
When a mistake of the past
Slapped me right across the face!
When I told him the truth
Why we couldn't be friends anymore
He said he felt something for me
That no one to my knowledge had ever felt before!
I said goodbye
For the very last time
I feel that a possible future together
Blew up in a land mine.
My trials and tribulations weren't over
The feelings for this man were built to last
When I saw my favourite TV show's new episode in early 2006,
The pain I couldn't mask.
It was about the pursuance of a gay relationship
Between a teenage boy and his boyfriend
Whose mother didn't approve
My broken heart had yet to mend.
I was envious you see
I must-not miss
What I had trouble with
Was seeing them kiss.
Kissing or sleeping around I've never done
I'm inexperienced you see
It reminded me of him
It was just a fantasy.
When "The Lake House" film came out
It made me think of who (him)
When Sandra Bullock said the man she loved most
She couldn't give her whole heart to.
Wherever you are, I miss you, I still love you, and I always will:(
It cut like a knife
It affected it so much
It was about the love of my life!
The man will remain a mystery
To everyone, including you!
He's someone I wanted to give
My whole heart to.
The man came at a time
When I needed him the most
When I met him
I learned he was from another coast.
He liked the same guy I did on Desperate Housewives
And he called me "Dude"
When I talked to him
He got me in the "mood".
We were so much alike
We shared our hardships
We talked for hours
We formed a friendship.
When I wasn't with him
During the night or during the day
I felt thin, hot, and sexy
If I daresay!
He started being controlling
I couldn't talk with another guy
So I decided
It was time to say goodbye.
A few weeks had come and passed
I had nothing to gain
To stay mad at people I can't do
I started up with him again.
We would always joke around
About guys we thought were hot
When I needed him the most
There he was not.
I told him about my cousin
The one that got married
He said if he was bi, would I go after him
I thought away he had carried.
Just before Christmas 2005
Something happened to undo the lace
When a mistake of the past
Slapped me right across the face!
When I told him the truth
Why we couldn't be friends anymore
He said he felt something for me
That no one to my knowledge had ever felt before!
I said goodbye
For the very last time
I feel that a possible future together
Blew up in a land mine.
My trials and tribulations weren't over
The feelings for this man were built to last
When I saw my favourite TV show's new episode in early 2006,
The pain I couldn't mask.
It was about the pursuance of a gay relationship
Between a teenage boy and his boyfriend
Whose mother didn't approve
My broken heart had yet to mend.
I was envious you see
I must-not miss
What I had trouble with
Was seeing them kiss.
Kissing or sleeping around I've never done
I'm inexperienced you see
It reminded me of him
It was just a fantasy.
When "The Lake House" film came out
It made me think of who (him)
When Sandra Bullock said the man she loved most
She couldn't give her whole heart to.
Wherever you are, I miss you, I still love you, and I always will:(
Friday, February 23, 2007
The Frustrations (Continuation of poem "How do you think I felt?")
How do you think I felt
On that wedding night?
When the bride didn't come to my table
Tears and rage I had to fight.
How do you think I felt
When every person my age had someone to dance with?
I felt like an outcast, but
I didn't let it slip.
How do you think I felt
When I had to leave my cousin on her special night?
For another 2 years or more
I didn't feel right.
How do you think I felt
When I told my mom how I feel?
She said: "How can I miss her?"
It made me want to lose my meal.
How do you think I felt
When I started screaming and crying?
I knew in my heart of hearts
I'm still going to keep on trying.
How do you think I feel
When my little cousins disrespect me?
It makes me want to cry
The tears that I don't let anyone know or see.
How do you think I felt
When I had a dream about my aunt?
She told me she stopped loving me
After my words took over and snapped.
How do you think I feel
When my aunt states that I disrespect my mom?
It was such an insult
How could I be calm?
How do you think I feel
When I think I'm not good enough for anyone or anything?
I've always been here
I've never taken wing.
How do you think I feel
When I'm being compared to other guys?
It makes me feel inadequate, insecure, and unsure
I'm not telling lies.
How do you think I feel
When I see two guys kissing on screen?
It makes me envious
It's not that I'm mean.
How do you think I felt
On this Valentine's Day?
When all my girlfriends had a significant other
It's harder for me to find someone because I'm gay.
How do you think I felt
When she took out her frustrations on me?
I wanted to take away her pain
A fact she chose not to see.
How do you think I felt
When she revealed the hurt my dad continues to cause her?
I will never forgive that bastard
Who did us dishonour.
How do you think I feel
Around my aunt who doesn't support my decisions?
She thinks of me as Superman
I feel like my throat is constricted.
How do you think I felt
When I complimented my cousin on her creativity?
She gave me a nasty look
I didn't take it lightly.
How do you think I felt
When yesterday I was looked at as if I was ancient?
The music, the movies, and the shows
I believe that their disrespect was deliberate.
How do you think I felt
When I let my cousins have it (with my words and not anything else)?
I told them they treat me like crap
A remark that I don't regret one bit.
These feelings that I have now
May have not necessarily bothered me before
But ever since my cousin Jennifer's wedding reception,
It makes me want to spend time with her more.
On that wedding night?
When the bride didn't come to my table
Tears and rage I had to fight.
How do you think I felt
When every person my age had someone to dance with?
I felt like an outcast, but
I didn't let it slip.
How do you think I felt
When I had to leave my cousin on her special night?
For another 2 years or more
I didn't feel right.
How do you think I felt
When I told my mom how I feel?
She said: "How can I miss her?"
It made me want to lose my meal.
How do you think I felt
When I started screaming and crying?
I knew in my heart of hearts
I'm still going to keep on trying.
How do you think I feel
When my little cousins disrespect me?
It makes me want to cry
The tears that I don't let anyone know or see.
How do you think I felt
When I had a dream about my aunt?
She told me she stopped loving me
After my words took over and snapped.
How do you think I feel
When my aunt states that I disrespect my mom?
It was such an insult
How could I be calm?
How do you think I feel
When I think I'm not good enough for anyone or anything?
I've always been here
I've never taken wing.
How do you think I feel
When I'm being compared to other guys?
It makes me feel inadequate, insecure, and unsure
I'm not telling lies.
How do you think I feel
When I see two guys kissing on screen?
It makes me envious
It's not that I'm mean.
How do you think I felt
On this Valentine's Day?
When all my girlfriends had a significant other
It's harder for me to find someone because I'm gay.
How do you think I felt
When she took out her frustrations on me?
I wanted to take away her pain
A fact she chose not to see.
How do you think I felt
When she revealed the hurt my dad continues to cause her?
I will never forgive that bastard
Who did us dishonour.
How do you think I feel
Around my aunt who doesn't support my decisions?
She thinks of me as Superman
I feel like my throat is constricted.
How do you think I felt
When I complimented my cousin on her creativity?
She gave me a nasty look
I didn't take it lightly.
How do you think I felt
When yesterday I was looked at as if I was ancient?
The music, the movies, and the shows
I believe that their disrespect was deliberate.
How do you think I felt
When I let my cousins have it (with my words and not anything else)?
I told them they treat me like crap
A remark that I don't regret one bit.
These feelings that I have now
May have not necessarily bothered me before
But ever since my cousin Jennifer's wedding reception,
It makes me want to spend time with her more.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Teri Hatcher (Susan Mayer) on Desperate Housewives
Teri (Susan)We are so much alike
We are not that much different
We've both liked guys named Mike.
We have the same feelings
And went through similar experiences
Although the difference is
We didn't have the same love occurrences.
You're all about love in one heart
I believe in that too
You have had men fall all over you in Housewives
Lucky you!
We fall down the stairs
We trip over rocks
What isn't reality
Is that there is a plumber across the street who is a total fox!
You are a single mother
In reality and on TV
I admire your sense of self and others
It's easy to see.
I've never really noticed you
Until 3 years ago
I watch you and your fellow actors
On my favourite show!
Your character gives me comfort
Happiness, joy, and excitement,
It's funny how in fact
This incident was incited.
See, Mike admitted he loved you
I love you too
What happened in your first year on air
Was my second year in university, I wasn't lucky as you.
You loved Mike Delfino
I loved Ryan
I thought of this timing
As an effective tie-in.
You broke up with Mike
Time and time again
After 7 months
I let go of Ryan.
When I went back to school
In my third year
You went into your second season
Mike broke up with you! I shed a tear:(
You started dating in real life
Rumours of George Clooney and Ryan Seacrest
Came and passed
Though the failure of those relationships made me depressed.
Dating is hard
For a single and working mother
Which to me
Is a real bother.
Now Susan is with Ian
Though I know she still loves Mike
The good thing is 10 months ago, she finally told her ex Karl
To take a hike!
I will always love you Teri Hatcher
And I want you with James Denton
One thing that I've never wanted
Is to go back to school on Mon.
Teri, Susan, and I
Will always be three of a kind
When I'm unlucky in love
I keep their zaniness in mind.
I don't care what anyone thinks of Teri because I absolutely love her, and I want her back with Mike!
Brad
When I first saw youI thought you were a Greek god
That you were old enough to be my father
I didn't find the least bit odd.
I had a dream
That you and I were finally together
The passion was so hot
I didn't mind the cold weather.
It didn't happen so fast
For was it a dream?
I was on the island
I saw him washed ashore
He was so beautiful
I had never felt like this before.
I went to wake him
He was precious you see
When he opened his eyes
He touched me.
It wasn't what you would think
I was a good boy you see
But seeing a handsome man like him
Didn't want to make me one anymore!
He didn't know who he was
He forgot his past
I wanted he and I
To forever last.
I told him what happened to me
Why I eneed up here
He promised that when he remembered who he was
We would leave together, out of there.
We grew closer over time
The best guy friend I never had
When he touched my face that starry night on the beach
I was more than glad.
He started touching me
In the places that gave me pleasure
I didn't care at that moment if he was married
I wanted him here for good.
A little kiss on the mouth
Led to a night of passion
We spent the night in each other's arms
I was his centre of attention.
I told him that I was madly in love with him
He told me the same
What I suddenly remembered
Was his name!
I saw him in the newspaper once
A prominent businessman he was
I remember reading he was married
A fact that I chose not to reveal to him, just because.
We spent days and nights on the beach
Making love in the sands
What I think was one of the best things about him
Was the warmth, tenderness, and feeling of his sexy hands.
What I feared worst
Actually happened it's true,
He started remembering
But he said to me, I can't lose you!
He told me to wait
I didn't know what that would mean
Then I awoke:
It was only a dream!
I see you during the week
On television for sure
However, for getting over you,
There is no cure.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
The Man in the Store
This weekend I went to the store
A one I'd never been to before
When I saw a familiar face
That awakened feelings in me, and rocked me to the core.
It's a store that's not my cup of tea
But I enjoyed it nonetheless
But to whose smile I was drawn to
The above is your guess.
I first saw him in 2005
A tragedy he faced
He lost his partner in the tsunami
To humanity, it was a disgrace.
While my relatives looked for linens
I was in a daze
I was drawn by your picture
And the smile on your face.
I was amazed
I was in a trance
It's as if the whole world didn't matter
With you, I wanted a chance.
I'm sorry that it took so long
To realize what a sweet guy you really seem to be,
If I ever meet you, it will be a joy
To say that you're happy to meet me.
Monday, February 19, 2007
The Epiphany
I realized something last nightThough this might be a surprise
This has been a song that's ended
With a sudden reprise.
To this guy
That I liked 2 years ago
I met someone through this celebrity, what happened
Is that he turned into a foe.
What I didn't stomach
Was the idiot tricking me
I discovered the heartbreaking truth
It should have been plain to see.
Whenever I saw the above from thence
I wanted to die
Because the idiot represented him
And the formation of a lie.
The idiot is gone
What I was left with
Is that I saw the above betray his mother on TV,
Which got me in a tiff.
9 months later
I saw he had changed
The lack of his mother's well-being
Is what got him enraged.
Though it's sad to think
That he can't be mine in reality
It's nice that what he represented in the past
Is a distant memory.
This has been my epiphany.
Showtime
Showtime
It's time to get up
Showtime
I can't have a cup.
Showtime
It's time to leave
Showtime
Time to have an ace up my sleeve.
Showtime
I've finally arrived
Showtime
Time to take the dive.
Showtime
It's time to put a smile on my face
Showtime
It involves grace.
Showtime
Class will start
Showtime
But I don't have the heart.
Showtime
Time to stay awake
Showtime
Forget the things I've ever had to face.
Showtime
I don't want to be here
Showtime
Will the end be near?
Showtime
It's only twice a week
Showtime
The rest of the week I want to sneak.
Why does everything have to be an effort?
The pain and stress that is mine
No matter where I go other than home
It will always be showtime.
It's time to get up
Showtime
I can't have a cup.
Showtime
It's time to leave
Showtime
Time to have an ace up my sleeve.
Showtime
I've finally arrived
Showtime
Time to take the dive.
Showtime
It's time to put a smile on my face
Showtime
It involves grace.
Showtime
Class will start
Showtime
But I don't have the heart.
Showtime
Time to stay awake
Showtime
Forget the things I've ever had to face.
Showtime
I don't want to be here
Showtime
Will the end be near?
Showtime
It's only twice a week
Showtime
The rest of the week I want to sneak.
Why does everything have to be an effort?
The pain and stress that is mine
No matter where I go other than home
It will always be showtime.
To my aunt Wanda on her birthday
My aunt Wanda's birthday was yesterday, and I wrote her the following poem:
My aunt Wanda
To my aunt Wanda, it is her birthday today
She is so lovely and fair
Sunshine is
The colour of her hair.
We share things with each other
About our lives, it’s true,
Like my mother, she understands me
A fact I don’t have to prove.
She knows me like a book when I’m feeling down
I don’t have to tell her anything
Because that is the wonderful thing about being close
You don’t have to say a thing.
We read the same books
We listen to similar music
Two of them I think are the most fundamental things
That a relationship is based, should be shared with the public.
Though we aren’t necessarily happy
It’s a comfort to know
That when I need a fresh mind
I’ll know where to go.
The summers we spend together
The laughter that we share
Love is a beautiful thing
Everyone should care.
We live right next door
It’s a pleasure to know
That when I need her
She’ll never say no.
So that is why she is special
Homage to her I pay
Happy Birthday my aunt Wanda,
May you enjoy your day!
My aunt Wanda
To my aunt Wanda, it is her birthday today
She is so lovely and fair
Sunshine is
The colour of her hair.
We share things with each other
About our lives, it’s true,
Like my mother, she understands me
A fact I don’t have to prove.
She knows me like a book when I’m feeling down
I don’t have to tell her anything
Because that is the wonderful thing about being close
You don’t have to say a thing.
We read the same books
We listen to similar music
Two of them I think are the most fundamental things
That a relationship is based, should be shared with the public.
Though we aren’t necessarily happy
It’s a comfort to know
That when I need a fresh mind
I’ll know where to go.
The summers we spend together
The laughter that we share
Love is a beautiful thing
Everyone should care.
We live right next door
It’s a pleasure to know
That when I need her
She’ll never say no.
So that is why she is special
Homage to her I pay
Happy Birthday my aunt Wanda,
May you enjoy your day!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
How do you think I felt?
How do you think I felt
When my father let me down?
I felt so alone
I wanted to drown.
How do you think I felt
When I fell in love in high school with this he?
I knew it was impossible
That he could love me.
How do you think I felt
When I truly fell in love with that he?
I was floating on air
It was so amazing.
How do you think I felt
When Ryan didn't notice me?
I was hurt
It was plain to see.
How do you think I felt
On Valentine's Day?
When he spent it with someone else
It still wasn't okay.
How do you think I felt
All those lonely nights?
When I would cry for hours
With no end in sight.
How do you think I felt
When I kept hearing that he didn't love me at all?
I was lovesick in every sense of the word
My friends I would call.
How do you think I felt
When communication was cut off?
I realized something
And then I became tough.
How do you think I felt
When Alex, someone new, came in the picture?
I thought I knew then
That this one was for sure.
How do you think I felt
When Alex told me the God-awful truth?
That he didn't want to talk to me anymore
That he played me for a fool.
How do you think I felt
When he then sent me threatening emails?
I was scared out of my mind
Since then my self-worth declined in detail.
How do you think I felt
When I saw a handsome man at a wedding?
Dancing with my cousin
The one that he married.
I realize now
That I was silly, wrong, and damaged,
But the feelings that made me this way
I've never fully recovered.
When my father let me down?
I felt so alone
I wanted to drown.
How do you think I felt
When I fell in love in high school with this he?
I knew it was impossible
That he could love me.
How do you think I felt
When I truly fell in love with that he?
I was floating on air
It was so amazing.
How do you think I felt
When Ryan didn't notice me?
I was hurt
It was plain to see.
How do you think I felt
On Valentine's Day?
When he spent it with someone else
It still wasn't okay.
How do you think I felt
All those lonely nights?
When I would cry for hours
With no end in sight.
How do you think I felt
When I kept hearing that he didn't love me at all?
I was lovesick in every sense of the word
My friends I would call.
How do you think I felt
When communication was cut off?
I realized something
And then I became tough.
How do you think I felt
When Alex, someone new, came in the picture?
I thought I knew then
That this one was for sure.
How do you think I felt
When Alex told me the God-awful truth?
That he didn't want to talk to me anymore
That he played me for a fool.
How do you think I felt
When he then sent me threatening emails?
I was scared out of my mind
Since then my self-worth declined in detail.
How do you think I felt
When I saw a handsome man at a wedding?
Dancing with my cousin
The one that he married.
I realize now
That I was silly, wrong, and damaged,
But the feelings that made me this way
I've never fully recovered.
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